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Vishakha Singh
28 Mar 2019 . 1 min read

Are You Expecting Eternal Romance In A Love Marriage?


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They say that marriages are made in heaven but it doesn’t seem so in today's times, with the involvement of social media in such depth. However, love is love and it is found sooner or later. Everyone is out there making themselves available to find true love and then have the happily ever after. Love culminates in a love marriage, but then? How does it turn out from there onwards? Let’s take a look at it!   

#1. Expectations - Love Letters, Flowers & Beautiful Mornings

All the love letters, flowers and beautiful mornings together are just going to be multiplied as we stay together. He is really the most considerate man anyone could hope for!

Reality

Nopsy my babe! Now that you are staying together for the rest of your life and maybe even Saat Janams, who can do that on a regular basis?!

The numbers are going to reduce and your attempts to revive those practices will only lead to manic arguments about your unreasonable expectations!

However, as we grow older, our expectations change drastically too. We begin to admire and acknowledge other things. We would respect the person for respecting our space. It would be more important to you that the house stays clean and in a shape you want it to be in. You learn to truly respect the common space which belongs to both of you with mutual understanding. Love would blossom in that haven that you both create for yourselves.

#2. Expectation - Romantic Getaways

We will have romantic getaways often and visit all the places we couldn’t visit before as a couple. Europe, here I come.

Reality

Turns out the only outings that you are going to have would be to his parents’ house and then to your parents. And once that is done the next visit is going to be to his relatives and later to your relatives. Endless dinners will be lined up and they will only leave space for going to toilets to get ready for another dinner. What a fun weekend, for the rest of your lives!

But love matures and our juvenile ideas do too. We would soon recognize the value, the family holds in a person’s life and you would love your partner, even more, when he treats the people closest to you with dignity and respect.

#3. Expectation - Making Each Other Feel Loved

I am going to spend on him and make him feel so loved and as will he! It will be magical…

Reality

All the money will now be saved and even that one rupee on eggs that is increased in winters will start to pinch, as you start saving for a house, a car or for a baby! Life together will now have many many more things where you would want to invest your every last penny. The good thing is you would have joint finances.

The importance of money is constantly sidelined in the pre-marriage days of the relationship. However, we realise the moment we get into a marriage that finance is as much a central bedrock of the relationship as is love.

Apart from all the new things you now learn about the spouse, his opinion, thoughts and management of money is also an important aspect. And what your future would look like would be based on how you handle the money together. It is definitely a challenge and proves to be a litmus test for the relationship.

#4. Expectation - Constant Nagging & Parental Pressure Would Be Over

Now that we are married, the constant nagging and pressure from my parents will finally stop. Thank god!!

Reality

Muahahha…..it’s now time for babies. Now the nagging for grandchildren will begin and your attempts at getting your parents off of your back would all have been in vain. You’d rather just accept that they are your parents and planning your life is what they do best.

As we grow older we also understand that we are going to be in charge of our lives and need to behave accordingly. We shift places and are now the caretakers, even of our parents. They will remain the same but it is our understanding of them which needs to evolve.

Children or no children will always be our choice and it should be a well thought out one!

#5. Expectation - Being Together All The Time & Not Missing Each Other

All the distance when you are in a relationship is so hard to deal with. You long to be with each other and miss them sorely. That would not happen as you begin to stay together!

Reality

You would be thankful for when he is away. You would wish it to happen more often. Having space to yourself and doing whatever you feel like will make you feel like yourself again! The definition of the perfect weekend will change for you!

Any relationship demands time and it’s more so in the case of a marriage. But all the time spent leaves hardly any time for self-care and some quiet time for introspection.

It’s something we all need but grappling with the multiple things that we require to do, often forget. Some healthy amount of time spent with self will go a long way in sustaining a healthy relationship.  

#6. Expectation - Anger Is Not Really His Thing

He is such a mushball. Anger is really not his thing, what with all the infinite patience he seems to possess.

Reality

Wait till you break his favourite gadget. See him lose his shit in one second. Or, him behaving like a man child and you losing your cool over his immature ways. Well, we have got news for you, you both have to draw that line. Some fights will bring you two closer, some might make you understand about the other person and yourself too. But, it is important to know when things are going out of your hands. If either one of you is retorting to sneaky ways of manipulating each other then that’s a s good as slow poisoning your relationship.

Remember you are together and relationships are a place to grow with each other as an individual and not get stuck to what you were like a hundreds of years ago. Fight and sort it out, don’t wait for clashes to turn into issues and eventually normalise their existence in your relationship.  

#7. Expectation - Have Time For Each Other 

We will have so much time for each other as we begin to live together. He will take care of me and we will kiss each other good night each night and wake up cuddling.

Reality

Turns out you will be rushing each morning and falling flat on the bed watching TV as you grapple with work stress and persistent tiredness. You would be happy to have time to have dinner, let alone having a candlelit one!

When they say, relationships are hard work, this is what is meant. We would need to put in that extra effort and make time for our husbands, amidst the maddening work schedule and amidst office stress. Your romantic dates would mean so much more when both of you have put in that time and effort into the relationship.  

#8. Expectation - Too Much Time Together Might Bore Us

All the time together might bore us!

Reality

The time spent together would want to make you spend more time together. You would have so many things in common now that you live together. The camaraderie you share with him will be the best thing you could have hoped for. And your bond will keep evolving.

#9. Expectation - Nights Would Be Spiced Up

We would get to make love to each other every day and each night would be raunchier than the one before. We will have our personal space and we will have no disturbance.

Reality

When you know that you are going to be with each other every night in the same setting, it’s not as exciting as before. With the long day in office, all you need is a good night’s sleep and having sex is more of a task than a fun activity! Say bye-bye to passionate nights.

But the good thing is, that you would want to be with that person even when you are past the “all over each other” phase.

Sex would still happen but you would want to be with that person even in a non sexual way. The company and conversations will matter too. It’s an unadulterated space for love where just the warmth of the other person would do!

As far as the sex is concerned, that is also a sphere where we would need to understand the dynamics and wrap our head around it.

Every person has different sexual preferences and it is rare to find a person where the kind of sex you both like is exactly the same. You may like it rough but the other person may want vanilla sex. Here is where both of you would have to keep an open mind and accept the differences. Once that is done, you can start work on pushing each other a little and trying out different things.

#10. Expectation - Every Habit Would Seem Cute!

Staying together, we would begin to love everything about each other and our affection for each other will grow.

Reality

On the contrary, you would bicker over the most mundane habits like not lifting the toilet seat, not cleaning the shaving foam from the basin, not keeping the food in the fridge at night and the list will be endless. Romance will go out of the window!!

No, we are not putting a damper on your dreams. Just that you have to be ready to accept the differences between you two. Embrace the fact that mutual differences would not kill your relationship. It is not a big deal if your partner doesn’t like chutneys and you simply can’t imagine your meals without them.

Remember, you can get past the differences with the help of understanding, maturity and of course how can we not say, LOVE!

#11. Expectation - Would Celebrate All Special Days

All the special days like marriage anniversaries, birthdays, Valentine’s day will be celebrated together and there would be so much space for surprises as you would know everything about the other person.

Reality

When you reach a level of comfort with your partner celebrating these days is more of a task than an enjoyable act. Valentine’s day becomes a social issue you would rather discuss than go out and celebrate when all the restaurants are bustling with people and you have to wait in line for a dinner reservation.

Good news is any day can become special by your sheer effort. Also, efforts are not just to put up a facade but to genuinely rekindle the passion and romance.  

#12. Expectation - Always Dressed Up & Groomed For The Occasion

While dating you always meet the person in restaurants or outside, where both of you put your best foot forward, well-groomed and well dressed. You are on time to meet each other and so excited about that date. That’s going to stay the same!

Reality

You are in for a rude shock when you see your husband in PJs all the time. Or that ugly t-shirt which begins to smell but doesn’t come off. You would even be surprised with your own lackadaisical attitude about your appearance. Regular shaves, waxing are all in the past.

While it would be a huge shock initially but eventually you would love the comfort of that space. You wouldn’t have to think twice before being yourself. Kissing without brushing your teeth or having fart matches is the new definition of romance.

#13. Expectation - You've Got All Things Sorted

As a dating couple, you make time for each other. With independent jobs and a steady relationship, you are a boss who has her life sorted and this will continue, well obviously! Duh.

Reality

First, haha! Life is going to hit us so hard as we jump into the vicious pool of marriage. Marriage is hard work and once you are married, it's not just the two of you. In our Indian setup families are a very important aspect and they become your responsibility once you are together. Financial issues, family issues of two sets of parents and siblings on both sides are all a part of your relationship. Welcome to the world of marriage!

#14. Expectation - Nurturing Cute Kids Together!

We would be together and nurture a beautiful family with angels for children who would be born out of pure love

Reality

It is not even funny how many children are born out of torn condoms and are a mistake. You are thrown into parenthood and it’s so difficult to grapple with the deluge of things you are expected to do as a parent. Even if the child is planned, your sex life will be gone as the baby now sleeps in the middle, you will have no time to nurture the “relationship” with your husband let alone yourself!  

But you get to nurture a family. You get to make your rules on parenting and,

Though our myths would be busted and we would come out of the bubble of romance we have been convinced to believe, love will blossom in the routine.

Here's How I Convinced My Parents For Love Marriage and You Can Too! 

Because it’s not the big things that make a difference but it’s little gestures of affection that make you see the deep-rooted care and love which is the foundation of any successful marriage. You may reach the 25-year marriage mark with endless bickering and arguments, but you would find it impossible to live without that same person that you argue with, all the time!


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Vishakha Singh
Social worker, freelance writer, dreamer and full time health enthusiast. I believe that one has to choose her battles and I have chosen mine - women's rights.

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Responses

  • H*****
    Wonderfully written @vishakha singh. I realize this difference everyday. 😁 And so true, nothing changes unless you change you take the charge for yourself.
  • B*****
    Very interesting narration..agree romance and marriage aren't twinning partners. You can have have a normally satisfying marriage without all the fireworks and crackers, unfortunately we put an unrealistic premium on romance, causing people to walk away from marriage. Time people realise it's not a bucket of popcorn or ice cream for feel good factor.
  • T*****
    So true and inspiring
  • D*****
    I have fun reading this !!! Very well written and so hilarious ..... n true. Im still not married but sounds like a challenge.
  • S*****
    @jessica....I'm married since 18 years.... married life is really a rollercoaster ride one has to go through many ups and downs ....so don't worry it's just a phase .... don't try to reset marriage...try to focus on yourself.....try to do things for yourself...make yourself Happy without any guilt... because you are the backbone of the family....you need to be happy to spread happiness
  • S*****
    @Meenakshi...pl.don't loose your identity after being married ...as no one will change their lifestyle for for you....so try to find some work or hobby to do ...it could be part-time or full-time or some social work...any thing with which you can identity yourself.....a part from life partner we must also have some other passion in life... because he also want space for himself..... whether you like it or not.... otherwise you are going to be miserable ....all the time waiting for him to spend time with you..... moreover less is precious if you will have less time he will also value it..β˜ΊπŸ˜‰...all the best for new life
  • J*****
    this article is for me. same is happening with me in my marriage. i cant even explain from what i am going through. how can i reset my marriage
  • M*****
    I am going to have a love marriage. But with passing time its seems like nothing is going the way we thought , actually I thought. I decided to be a house wife , as my fiance is a business man , but he seems so busy in life that my opinion is changing .I think I should work for my own career rather than focussing only on making households . But I am going through a stressful condition because I have to decide every thing all alone. Everyone around me seems not helping me out to make a decision regarding career not even my fiance is interested in my life. He is busy in expanding his own business. πŸ˜•πŸ˜•πŸ˜•
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