Are You Concerned About Signs That You Have Lost Your Virginity? A Must Read Guide
When you ponder upon the question...
What are the signs that you have lost your virginity?
This may mean two things, either
You had Sex the very first time…
Or, you are trapped in the “Virginity and Hymen Myth”.
Let’s understand both in brief!
Having sex for the very first time can be an exciting, exhilarating, anxious or even a daunting moment for many women. Before any woman approaches sex for the first time it is best to be well informed about the safety, consent and medical concerns associated with sexual intercourse.
(Afraid if you are pregnant? Here are 13 early signs of pregnancy.)
What is the appropriate age to become sexually active?
There is actually no appropriate age or no “right” age to start having sexual relations. However, in each country, there are laws which deem sexual contact with minors as statutory rape. In India, having sex with a person who is under the age of 18 is considered as statutory rape. Even if the two consenting individuals are close in age and below 18, having sexual relations is considered illegal. The only time this law doesn’t apply is if the two individuals are married.
Keeping this in mind, when you decide to have sex for the first time, it should be when you are in the right frame of mind to take this step in your life. Just because “everyone is doing it”, worrying about being almost 30 and a virgin or “ my boyfriend really wants it,” are not really benchmarks to make such a decision in your life.
”Being well informed, being in tune with your body and knowing that it would be the right step in your life at that point, makes it the right time to start indulging in sexual relations.“
Sex With Consent
This is probably one of the most important aspects to consider when deciding to take the first step. Sexual consent is being in agreement with your partner to involve in sexual relations. Sexual consent has several aspects to it.
Both you and your partner have to be of sound mind to make the decision to have sex. If either one of you does not wish to participate in sex, then the other should respect the wishes of their partner.
It is okay to say no, even after you might have said yes previously.
Sexual consent also covers oral sex, vaginal or anal penetration, touching and kissing. If any of this is forced or done against the wishes of either of the partners involved, it can be considered sexual assault or rape.
Both partners need to be well informed of each other’s wishes. Discussion about safety, what is acceptable during the process and also what is off limits should be sorted out before.
Finally, you should do only the things you want to do. At no point are you compelled to give in to the wishes of your partner?
It is vital to remember that this applies to both you and your partner(s). What you wear, your past behaviour, rumours, being silent or having your inhibitions altered are by no means an indication of consent to sex. You have to say “YES” every time if you wish to participate in sex. A “NO,” always means no.
What are the precautionary measures I should take while having sex?
I am sure many of you have heard about contraception, “being safe,” emergency contraceptives and the endless list of words and phrases that go with safety during intercourse. Well here are the basics that you should keep in mind.
Sexually Transmitted Diseases
This is one of the most important things every woman should look out for when indulging in sex, especially for the first time. If you are with a new partner or someone you have just met, it is necessary to use a barrier method of contraception to prevent contracting an STD. Male condoms and vaginal condoms are usually the ones that help out here. While nothing is 100% effective, condoms, when used right, reduce the risk of transmitting STDs.
If you are sexually active with more than one partner it is best you always use condoms for protection. It is advised to limit the number of partners at any given time to reduce the likelihood of contracting STDs.
With more women taking control of their sexuality, it is mandatory to keep yourself informed about all the different types of contraception available. Most women can plan their pregnancies much better with the advent of contraception. Pills, intrauterine devices, hormonal injections and patches are just a few types of contraception available. Take an appointment with your gynaecologist to find out which one is suitable for you.
This is usually a last resort, in cases where you might have forgotten to take your contraceptive pill or the condom breaks during intercourse. It can be taken up to 72 hours after the sexual activity. It works by preventing the sperm from fertilising the egg. It is most effective when taken immediately after intercourse. It should never be considered as a permanent form of contraception.
Even though you may have all the information, it is best to discuss all this with your partner beforehand to ensure that you both are on the same page. Do not be too hasty when it comes to your health and wellbeing. While it may seem like all these checklists are taking away from the fun of actual intimacy, it is always better to be safe than sorry.
Virginity, hymens and busting the myths around it
Even though the world has progressed a lot through education, vast pockets of our society still make women feel that holding onto their hymens make them virtuous. However, with the wider reach of knowledge more women are breaking barriers and taking control of their sexuality.
In simple terms, being a virgin literally translates to a person who has never had sex. It is more of a social term rather than a medical one. There is no way to prove whether you have had sex or not. Discussing your sexual life is entirely up to you. The idea of virginity is often skewed based on one’s beliefs. For some it involves only penetrative sex, for others it can involve oral, anal or vaginal sex.
As for the hymen, it is a thin membrane that is present a little further into the vaginal opening. All women have hymens of different shapes and sizes. The hymen may have some holes in them, or may completely cover the vagina, or may also be completely absent. Injury, tampons, participating in sports, cycling, horse riding or simply growing up are a few reasons why hymens rupture before intercourse. Therefore it is not an acceptable measure of “virginity.”
Vaginal rejuvenation and hymen repair
While this article discusses having sex for the first time, many women in the sheroes community ask several questions on tightening their vaginas and repairing their hymen before marriage.
Before we get along with discussing this topic, it is good to know that a man cannot determine how many men you have had sex with just by the size of your vagina. The vagina expands considerably only after multiple childbirths. And as discussed above your virginity is not determined by an intact hymen. So consider this before going under the knife.
The main type of vaginal rejuvenation women opt for is vaginoplasty. This is a surgical procedure where the vaginal muscles are tightened. This is done for women who have had several complicated childbirths where their vaginal muscles have lost most of their elasticity. Some non-surgical procedures such as a laser, radiofrequency and collagen fillers are also attempted before surgery. The most suitable procedure is usually decided with a trained plastic surgeon.
Hymen repair or hymenoplasty involves repairing or reconstructing a hymen from the remnants inside the vagina. In most cases, a simple procedure can be done a few weeks before the marriage. Again the procedure that will be most suitable for you has to be discussed with your treating surgeon.
Having sex for the first time is a milestone in most women’s lives. Having all the facts, ruminating over the decision and also discussing it over with your partner is essential to make it a pleasant experience. While for some it might be fireworks and for the others, it might not be exactly what they expect. Alas, there is a lifetime to experiment and perfect the process. During your first time it is important to be being considerate of your partner, however, it is paramount to put your wishes and needs at the forefront to make your first time a memorable experience.