We Need More Than Love In A Relationship, Right?
Whenever we picture a happy and content relationship, we expect it to be full of love. A relationship without love may be considered a lifeless relationship.
Is it true really?
To each their own. In our debate on the Sex and Relationships community, we came across more than one angle to look at the need of love in a relationship.
When we talk about love, it’s really something that’s unique to each. The definition of love needn’t be the same for every person. The fact that every individual gets to decide what their definition of love is, is what makes love so special. Likewise, its importance in a relationship may vary from one person to another.
In our discussion on love’s importance in sustaining a relationship, we came across multiple views from women all over, each opinion such that it gives one perspective.
It’s a common understanding that love forms the foundation of a relationship but is it the only thing that takes a relationship forward? Some might agree. According to many women in Love, Sex and Relationships community, love is all that matters in a relationship.
Blinded by love
A relationship built on a profound love for each other is capable of overcoming most problems in life. Two people deeply in love, together can pave their paths to a happy future.
There are no doubts about love being important. How can we be sure the love will last? Here’s something no one likes to think about.
The fear of finding that perfect somebody, falling in love with them truly madly deeply, only to find the love fading. Would love still be everything that matters in this relationship?
Few women raised their concerns about the fear of uncertainty. The uncertainty of what happens when love dies in a relationship? Who’s to know. The beauty of life lies in the uncertainty of it. We must proceed with the hope to see how the future unfolds.
Compatibility
A lasting love may be uncertain, but are other aspects like compatibility and understanding uncertain too? We had a high number of women agreeing to the fact, that compatibility is what’s equally important as love in a relationship. As one of our members expressed as,
“Love is important in a relationship but it isn’t the only thing that can sustain a relationship. It should be backed by maturity, support, understanding and financial backing.”
She has a point. Love may be a part of the body, a very important part, as important as the heart. Even though that’s as predictable as it gets, comparing love to human heart makes a lot of sense. What a heart is to the body is what love is to a relationship. A body can’t run without a functional heart but nor can it without the support of other organs.
Likewise, love is what keeps the relationship running but it has to be backed by other very important factors like compatibility and maturity.
Does love happen overnight?
In further assessment, what comes first? To fall in love before you get into a relationship or to get in a relationship hoping you’ll fall in love? Even today, the very much prevalent system of arranged marriages has proven the latter works as well.
It may not be necessary to fall in deep love right away. Sometimes love takes time and consistency. One of our members believes that one can be in a relationship without being in love, for love will cultivate eventually. Getting to know each other, spending time with each other backed by physical intimacy leads many people to fall in love with their partner.
As debatable the system of arranged marriages may be, it's proven to be a blessing and success for many. It is possible to find love and be in a happy and successful marriage even though love has not been the foundation of the relationship.
How can one be sure?
That being said, not everyone is equally lucky. For some, it is an arrow shot in the dark. It might not always turn out into rainbows and butterflies.
Many relationships starting on the hope of eventually falling in love, may not work out as planned. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship has to end if there is no love. If there is happiness and other positive feelings towards each other, some find it to be a reason enough to be in a relationship. We respect everyone’s decision, for it’s their life to live.
Is it the only thing one looks for?
Since everyone’s idea of love and relationships is different, is love just one of the things on the list you look for in a relationship? How much importance does one give to each thing that they look for in a relationship? We can’t say.
Everyone looks for different things in a relationship. Another member of our community believes a girl is lucky to know what exactly she looks for in a man and to actually find ‘all of it’. It’s a win-win situation. She believes love is our default nature. If you ensure the rest of what you look for in a man, you’re on the right track.
“It’s better than wearing rose-tinted glasses and being delusional. Because however long falling in love takes, at least everything else will be in place right from the beginning” she shares.
Do you think this is a sure shot way to secure the future of your relationship to a great extent? Share your thoughts with us.
Does everyone expect the same things out of a relationship?
With or without love, what are the things that are essential for one in a relationship? Again. It varies.
Expecting your partner to be respectful and caring forms a major chunk of what’s really important in a relationship. Love for some may mean being taken care of and being respected.
Feeling special is equivalent for love for some and that we respect. Not everyone has the same set of expectations when it comes to relationships. Many women want love to be electrifying and exciting while many want love to be stable and consistent.
How much does financial stability matter?
When we talk about love, we never think of anything apart from love. Every other aspect of life seems smaller than love. Even one’s financial standing isn’t the most important thing when one thinks of love.
How much of an importance it really has?
Many women in our community revealed the importance of having a financially well off or at least financial stable man as their partner. 90% of women care about the financial aspect of things sooner or later. To most women, having a man who can look after their needs are sometimes more important than love alone. Is it wrong? Not really. Because being taken care of is a very important part of being loved. Love isn’t an emotion called love alone, it’s the amalgamation of little things that make you happy and warm.
But should we decide on the basis of a pay package whether a person would be capable of being financially stable throughout their lives? Also, why wait for a man to take care of our needs? What say, ladies, can’t we do that for ourselves?
How important is intimacy?
Intimacy is a very important aspect of all relationships. Regardless of whether it's physical intimacy or emotional, intimacy dictates a lot in a relationship.
Intimacy helps you bond with your partner and gives a sense of happiness. Intimacy can exist in more than one forms. Sex being the most important one. Sex is a deep and powerful form of intimacy. It’s not only mechanical, but it’s also emotional and biological. Its a union between two people that transcends time and space. And it’s hard to quantify. And we know it.
We are no one to make a generalisation but it’s a common understanding that men find a partner with the prospect of sex and end up falling in love. While women are known to find a man to fall in love with and end up enjoying sex. Again this is not a generalisation but a popular belief that has been passed down since generations.
Either way, during the course of a relationship it becomes essential to have sexual compatibility with your partner. We don’t say, relationships without intimacy necessarily fail, but are certainly more prone to lead to a path of frustration and dissatisfaction.
Respect and your standing in the relationship
While love is certainly important, respect is all the more important in a relationship. Love, being an emotion is not in your hands entirely, while respect very much is.
Respect is earned and forms the building blocks of a healthy relationship. Respect is a combination of appreciation and admiration and helps you see through the good and accept the bad in your partner.
Respect allows you to be more patient and tolerant with your partner, even when the times get rough. Respect for each other, lets a couple trust each other’s respective wellbeing, and keeps them from things that may hurt either or both of them deliberately. For all these reasons, respect becomes vital for a relationship to successfully last. Hence, respect breeds the kind of love that way beyond romance.
It creates a love that understands and accepts, love that is willing to hold on and willing to overcome and adjust to conflicts between a couple. Along with respect, loyalty, honesty and communication are equally important for a happy and lasting relationship.
Everyone gets to form their own version of love. You decide what kind of love you want.
You define the kind of relationship you want. No guideline in the world can tell you how to love and how to live. Love, unapologetically, and live your life on your terms.
This is an ongoing campaign in our Love, Sex and Relationship community with Tinder. Tinder partners with SHEROES to bring forth inclusive, bold, inspiring conversations which surround women. We talk about relationships, love, choice, take-charge spirit and more. Women should have the choice to live life on their terms and not be affected by societal norms. Tinder brings a fresh air of starting something epic, living life in the now and owning up to your choices.
