This Is No Relationship Advice, This Is Getting Over It!
Love is a beautiful feeling, they say.
Love will keep us alive, goes the famous song.
I completely agree.
That heady feeling you have every morning, knowing that someone loves you, is amazing. The inside jokes, the relationship knick-knacks, certain habits that make your day, the worrisome feeling after a fight - love is everything sweet, sour and bitter. You enjoy being in love, there’s an inexplicable charm to it.
There is so much written about this single word which generates enormous feelings. There is also literature you will find about heartbreak. But nobody tells you about the in-between. The ‘how-to-get-over-the-heartbreak’ part.
How much ever you romanticize the idea of love, let’s agree that relationships can be complicated. It’s not a bad thing, that’s how relationships are - they require some amount of effort for it to work. And sometimes, there are no explanations as to why one relationship can come to an end. There could be many reasons, there could be none or there could be just one.
Whatever the reason, know that you’re not alone in wanting to get over a relationship. Everyone who goes through a break-up suffers. It’s not glorious but that’s what being human means right? Feeling things? All through a relationship, both the partners fear the worst - that it can come to an end. You don’t think it’s going to happen. When it does though, it’s not something you can be prepared for.
So how do you try and move on from a relationship?
Don’t Get Over It - Mourn The Loss
Most of the time people will tell you to ‘get over it’, which sounds absolutely impossible at the moment. But you know what? That’s what you’ll have to do, consciously. At least give it a try.
The one thing about grief is that it needs to be mourned. I won’t tell you to try and get over it as soon as possible. I feel that the loss of a relationship needs mourning too. It deserves the emotions you’re going through because that relationship was a part of your life. And when one chapter of your life comes to an end, your heart wants to suffer for it, at least for a while. There’s no timeline to how long you want to cry over it, literally, but it’s not going to happen in a month. One day, you wouldn’t want to mourn its loss anymore. That’s your cue.
And if at any point you feel you need help, ask for it. This is probably also the time you’ll realize that friends are your family.
There’s No ‘Staying In Touch’
We all think we’ll be able to act mature and stay friends with the ex.
Whatever you do, do not stay in touch with your ex. I know, everybody wants to be on friendly terms but isn’t it better to drop that person from your life, now that the very relationship (in all its meanings) is not there? Delete his/her number, what do you need it for anyway? Unfollow them from all social media platforms. You’ll thank me. You won’t even know that you might be stalking him/her and end up feeling bad about ‘that which once was’. I have seen many friends suffer because of this choice. You don’t want that kind of negativity. And most of all, you don’t want to make yourself available to the ex who might treat you as their punching bag, time and again. Don’t leave that window open.
Keeping it limited to a ‘hi-bye’ thing is all you need to do.
This is where the mature part comes in. Even if you have mutual friends, make it clear that you don’t want to talk about your ex. Your friends need to keep that part away, as much as you do. Help them understand why or how it bothers you. Trust me, after some time (let’s say years) you’ll be okay with talking about your ex. But not right now. Don’t try and indulge in all the updates. Make sure they don’t update the ex about you too.
If there’s a chance of bumping into each other because of common friends, try and be normal. Here’s your hi-bye chance (wink). Yes, act like it. It works!
Do Not Reconsider
This might be the semi-circle stage of your phase - wanting to get back with your ex. The only thing you should remember when you get this thought is that nothing good will come out of it. Think about it this way, isn’t there a possibility of going through the heartbreak again? Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, stay away from reconsidering this relationship.
(Also Checkout- How To Break Up With Your Boyfriend: In Right & Respectful Way)
Do Not Regret
It is only natural to reconsider and then regret the whole deal. Doesn’t matter which side of the break up you were on. So stop regretting anything about it. On the contrary, be happy that you had such a good time. As someone said, “Some people come for seasons, some for reasons.” And both these kinds will contribute to an important life lesson.
Frankly, I feel everybody should go through one failed relationship. Hear me out before you judge me. The failure of a relationship is an invaluable life lesson that nobody can teach you. It comes by experience. Whatever you’ve lost in this relationship, you’ll remember not to lose again. Whatever you’ve gained in this relationship, will always make you happy and enable you to be a little wiser. It teaches you that life is not a bed full of roses and that you don’t always get what you want. I know, it really hurts right now but you’ll laugh about it years later. You’ll get comfortable.
Take A Break
This is a good time to rediscover yourself. You tend to compromise and change when you’re in a relationship. It’s not always bad of course. But now that it’s over, take a break from relationships. A longer one, like a year. It’ll give you so much time and space to think about yourself. It’ll teach you things that you didn’t know about yourself, in terms of getting over this relationship. It’ll tell you how you possess the strength that you never imagined you had. You’ll be able to handle yourself better in some time. And you’ll know what you’re looking for in a relationship ahead.
Focus On Yourself
There might have been a few things that you always wanted to do, but couldn’t because a relationship requires time and effort. Do it now. Whatever you have been putting off, take it up. Immerse yourself in new adventures. I’ve heard traveling solo changes you as a person in a good way. It will also cover the ‘taking a break’ part! If you don’t have the time to indulge, focus on your primary activity - work, studies. Get into a routine again, something that revolves around you. Enjoy it, soak in it!
(Here are some Practical Tips How To Forget Someone You Once Loved Deeply)
Don’t Lock Yourself Up
Make it a point to get out of the house. I know sometimes you just don’t want to face the world but the more you stay at home, the more you’ll think about the relationship. Stepping out will literally be like a breath of fresh air. Catch up with friends more often. Attend workshops if you like, and make new friends! If you don’t want to meet new people, take a book and sit in a cafe. But just step out every day.
Times like these will help you realize how ready you are for commitments and love in general.
It is also better to reflect upon the emotions and thoughts related to the relationship and its consequences. There is no set formula for relationships to work. There is no perfect person that exists in this world. The only difference is of clarity. Relationships teach you how clarity matters in every aspect of your life. And don’t worry, the failure of one relationship doesn’t mean you won’t get to meet someone. As they say, love and happiness are all around - you just need to look!
S*****A good piece of advice for everyone
A*****Well written 🖖