Now Is The Time To End Your Failing Relationship

From the little village that I come from, there is a saying that stayed with me. The old people used to say that nothing happened in a moment, every event came with signs. Of course, later in life, I realized that the old people in my village were right.

Spiritual Coach Iyanla Vanzant writes very poignantly about things falling apart in her book “Peace from broken pieces.” She writes, “It is often difficult to identify the exact moment that your life falls apart. In most cases, it is not a one-shot deal. If you ask people who have had the experience of losing everything they love or believe in, they will probably say it was not one telephone call or one letter, one revelation or realization that caused the collapse of life as they knew it. I now understand that my life fell apart one piece at a time. Piece by piece; one experience, one situation, and one circumstance at a time, until I found myself standing in the midst of a heap of broken promises, splintered relationships, and shattered dreams.”

In this brilliant paragraph, she hints that nothing falls apart without hints or without red flags. But as human, as we are we often miss those signs. Here are a few tell-tale signs that tell you that maybe its time your relationship is heading for a collapse.

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When you wash dirty linen in public 

Human beings have the tendency to show their best sides in public. Don’t we all behave like little angels on social media at times? But when there comes a time you lose all self-control and just wash dirty linen in public, maybe its time you need to reconsider this relationship. If you are constantly complaining or being complained about to friends and family, are you sure you truly want to be with this person? True, no one is perfect but if there is endless criticism and constantly complains about no rooms left for conversations, maybe darling its time, to pack your bags.

When your partner does not show up for you 

This is one disease I have seen with so many women; including me. I mean once upon a time I was the flag bearer of this disease. Each time I wanted my partner, he would not show up. Oh, I need to tell you this. This guy who said he wanted to marry me and could talk for hours, refused to reply my messages when I fell sick and lost my job. So much for love, you see. But then I did not learn any lesson, later I again asked his help, he again disappeared into thin air.

Maya Angelou says, “When people show you who they believe them the first time. Don’t wait for the 29th time."

And I learned that when your partner does not show up when you need them, wear your running shoes. When someone doesn’t show up when you are in distress, they also don’t deserve to be a part of your celebrations. Don’t fight reality. Otherwise, when reality will hit you, you will be left fractured.

Emotional, Physical or Sexual abuse 

Darling, get this very clear. Love does not make you suffer. No matter how much you love your partner, no form of abuse is right. Even when your partner comes begging post abusing you. When you stay in an abusive relationship, you stay in a place where your self-love, self-respect and self-esteem crumbles each day. You just diminish a part of you. And that’s the most unfair you can be to yourself. If you still stay, you will turn yourself to be a bitter person and one day be mad at yourself about why did you even take it for all these years. Trust me when I tell you that.

When you have to compromise on who you are

Someone once told me that the greatest life choice to make is to be yourself. In a relationship when you cannot be who you are, when you cannot speak the truth, it's time you know the writings are on the wall.

I knew someone once who was a very dedicated partner. The man sang and wrote poetry. He refused to talk to his old friends because his partner was insecure. She wrote abusive emails to his women friends. He did not raise a voice. That was his dedication. To be with her and be silent. Needless to say, it never worked out.

When you have to compromise on your values and your own friends, know that the end is close. Relationships are like home. If you need to muzzle your voice, walk eggshells and keep pleasing your partner’s whims, it’s time to rethink why you are with that person. And what makes you think that you deserve this treatment.

When you can’t remember why you fell in love with your partner 

This is the final nail in the coffin. If you wonder why you fell for the person you are with, maybe you need to write a goodbye note. If you wake up and wonder if there is any common ground left between you both. Or if you can’t even remember the good that brought you together, maybe you need to call your lawyer.

When you avoid each other

I have met couples who need friends around to even be with each other. But still, they will stick together. Until one day the breakdown happens. If you need to avoid your partner, mute your cell phone when he/she calls, it’s time to smell the coffee.

When it no longer matters 

I don’t even need to write this. Just ask yourself, if it no longer matters, why are you still here. Yes, love is supposed to be forever. Yes, you fell in love. But I hope you understand that even when your love is true some people are not meant to walk with us till Sunset. Some people come as a season, to teach, enrich and make us grow. And the greatest wisdom lies is setting them free and choose another life for us.

May you have the courage to see the truth. And choose it even when your knees shake! You have all my love.