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Palak Kapadia
2 Jul 2018 . 1 min read

Deal with Your Angry Husband Without Sacrificing Your Dignity


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What is it like to be married to an angry man?

Women, married to an angry man know it, but most of the times they don't admit it. Anger shown by the husband is considered as a part of 'being male' and is usually kept secret, especially when it occurs in privacy.

An old article published on Oprah Winfrey's website explains,

The sole purpose of your husband's anger and abusive behavior is to defend himself from feeling like a failure, especially as a:

  • Protector
  • Provider
  • Lover
  • Parent

Are you one of those women whose husband is constantly angry? No matter what you do to make him happy, it only seems to push him further over the edge. Are you exhausted of having to guess what kind of mood he is in all the time and being terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing because the smallest trigger can cause him to blow up?

We know you are probably feeling weak right now but believe me, you are not alone and that makes you strong.

You are a strong and badass woman. You shouldn't have to apologize for being yourself. Before doing anything, it's good to work on your confidence first. Try this...

'It is not my fault.'

Repeat it. Say it louder. Say it till it starts to make complete sense.

Now, let's deal with the issue...

Anger is a strong emotion and if left unchecked, it can ruin even the strongest relationship.

If you feel you need some advice on how to deal with your husband when he is angry without sacrificing your own dignity, we have you sorted. Here are some tips to try:

#1. Don’t be Afraid

Don't fear his anger. More often than not, anger stems from a general lack of actual power. It is a result of not having control over one’s situation. Despite what is popularly believed in our culture, anger is actually a sign of weakness and not strength.

As the popular saying goes, barking dogs seldom bite. Strong, confident men don’t need to resort to anger. It is often a mask for insecurity. During the moment of anger, it is his inner insecurities that are doing the talking, not the man who loves you and claims to be your life partner.

#2. Avoid adding fuel to the fire

Don’t respond to his anger with more anger. The most important trait about anger is that it’s temporary. If you let him be angry with himself, he will calm down eventually. But if you respond in anger and contribute to the argument, you are only making it worse and the fight will last much longer. Anger passes but harsh words said to each other can leave scars that hurt forever.

#3. Let him calm down

Talk to him about his anger only after he has calmed down and is more rational. Sometimes people who are prone to anger may react badly even if everything is going right and according to his wish. But pointing it out while they're furious only makes it worse. Wait for him to calm down and then address his behavior. If helpful, share some anger management techniques.

#4. Set limits

The biggest mistake a couple can make is not clearly defining what they’re willing to tolerate around the house and what they aren't. Discuss with your husband and set boundaries and make sure you both stick to them. Setting boundaries and making sure that they're known to your husband is the most effective technique of anger management around the house.

(Also Read - How To Bring Back The Spark In Your Relationship)

#5. Apologise if you’re wrong

Instead of reacting impulsively yourself. Think calmly and objectively about what triggered his anger. Be honest about this. Was it something that was your fault? If yes, just say the words ‘I am sorry.’ Taking responsibility for one’s wrong actions and apologizing for them is something every single couple must be in the habit of doing. Nothing melts an angry heart like a sincere apology. So if you have contributed to escalating the situation, say that you’re sorry.

#6. Help him manage his anger

More than anything, your significant other needs to know that you both are a team. You’re on his side and not against him. You need to communicate constantly and let him know that you accept him and love him. This will help stop making him feel insufficient.

Let him know that you separate the actions from the man. You love him even if his actions hurt you sometimes. He may find peace sooner if he knows you are with him and you will help him heal.

#7. Respect yourself

You need to remember that if you don’t respect yourself, no-one will respect you. You need to make yourself a priority and put yourself first. You need to set limits about how far are you willing to accept his behavior and how much is too much. If you feel that he is crossing the line, you need to stand up for yourself. Respect yourself. And don’t let anyone disrespect you.

#8. Know when to walk away

Sometimes, we don’t have a choice but to make difficult decisions. You have to take them if they are called for. If all your efforts are truly failing and your husband is making your life just too miserable, you need to reassess the situation. Happiness is a choice and if the bad outweighs the good, he's not the man you married anymore then you have to make a difficult choice to make. Assess the situation from all angles and think about whether you stay in the relationship.

Measure the different things that tie you to your husband such as emotional attachment, kids, etc. Is it enough to make you stay or will you be happier if you move on in search of a better quality of life?

Remember, abusive relationships are toxic for everyone involved. Everyone suffers in homes that are full of anger including you, your husband and your children.

#9. Don’t be afraid to seek external help

If you’re in a genuinely very toxic or abusive relationship where your husband’s anger issues can pose a physical or mental danger for you, you need to get out.

There are several NGOs that help women in violent and abusive relationships reclaim their lives. Don’t hesitate to reach out and seek professional help. Nothing matters more than your own life and well-being.

Here’s a list of NGOs that can be contacted:

a) Azad Foundation -

Tel: +91 11 4060 1878

Email: azadfoundation@gmail.com

Website: http://www.azadfoundation.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/AZAD-FOUNDATION/150560224895

b) Helpline Law -

http://www.helplinelaw.com/family-law

http://www.helplinelaw.com/family-law/DVLI/domestic-violence-in-india.html

c) Angala -

Tel: +91-80-25492781 / 25494266

Email: angala1@vsnl.net

d) Aasra -

24 Hour Helpline: 022-27546669

Office (10am to 7pm): 022-27546667

Email: aasrahelpline@yahoo.com

If you are comfortable, you can share your toxic relationship here in the comment. Or you can join our Non-judgmental Sheroes Community to meet and share with women who have faced a similar issue and have moved to a better life.


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Palak Kapadia

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Responses

  • B*****
    Amazing take on anger management, best part is the legal help that's so important for abusive relationships. I think most people don't know when and how to stop being in such relationships because of lack of awareness in such matters.
  • S*****
    This is a fantastic article, touches upon a very sensitive issue many women face. Given all the above conditions which can help, still there are some peculiar conditions which i wanna share here. What to do when the angry husband has a very ill temper? which as you said is actually a sign oc weakness, and it's correct.And sadly, the wife has to bear his temper without any logic. There is no intention to get separated, but would like to get some ideas regarding how to deal with such an egoistic individual, who otherwise seems very lovable.
  • T*****
    I need help, advice too
  • S*****
    Radhikha- he seems to be having anger issues and is unable to control them. It's good you tried but if he isn't understanding it might mean he need professional help. You need to understand that you're in an abusive relationship which comes under domestic violence. You can report this legally to take action against him. Yes, this might lead to end of relationship but it would save you from this miserable life. Some people understand with legal intervention, you may ask him that you both see a marriage counsellor or he go for anger management classes.
  • R*****
    Am facing issues coz of my angry nature husband...Every alternate day he beats me mostly without any reason just coz of his nature...I tried all d ways to make him understand that this is wrong once he calms down...Still no change in his behaviour...If I say I won't be able to continue this relationship if he doesn't stop his violent behavior he beats me to the extreme with hands ,legs,stick etc....This is my 2nd marriage where I accepted him with his 5yrs son against my parents choice as they didn't wanted me to choose him coz he has a son....When I shared his behavior with my parents they asked me to compromise as it my 2nd marriage...
  • K*****
    Bpo- company name serco process etisalat mangers name mangrove earning one lake two lak
  • K*****
    Mom left home, now father died and.... Family tooked job, outside toke benefits family members United with corporate people, corporate took benefits bposector and injected father some thing and later on seeing when father is going to die
  • K*****
    Very good once here father was and same anger like, same for daughter
  • F*****
    Yes its truely wrote.
  • S*****
    Gr8 job
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