Healing a Broken Heart: How To Be A Badass Girl And Move On
It sucks. It always do!!
There is no nice way to say this. And there is no sugarcoated explanation to be a badass girl with a broken heart.
But the fact is, in a long future, heartbreak can be one of the best things to happen to you which is going to change your life forever. But when it is actually happening, it sucks. Giving someone your all only to have a broken heart in return sucks.
Because heartbreak is so much more than just being single again. It is waking up to a blank phone screen instead of a Good Morning text from them telling you that you are beautiful. It is going to places alone and not having a constant companion to talk to. It is looking in the mirror and wondering what about you was not enough to make them want to stay.
It may be hard to see when you cry yourself to sleep every single night but broken hearts do heal. And when they do, you are a much stronger person than what you used to be. The Universe has plans that the human mind is incapable of comprehending and it always has your best interest at heart. It could actually be in your best interest to go through this phase. Even then, you need some tender loving care to get over it.
Healing from heartbreak happens in 3 phases:
- Dealing with rejection
- Get over the person
- Move on
#1. Dealing With Rejection
Nobody likes being turned down. Everyone experiences the sting of rejection, but strong people use the pain to become better. The way you choose to deal with rejection determines the entire course of your future. This explains why some people never try again after failing once while others bounce back from it stronger than ever before.
Here are some tips to deal with rejection:
A. It is okay to grieve
Rejection hurts and don’t expect yourself to be okay again from the word go. You are going to feel upset because of a rejection and the strength lies in acknowledging that you need time to heal. In fact, it's healthy for you to give yourself some time to process and grieve.
Take some time out of your life to process the rejection. This doesn’t mean that you stay locked in your house for days wallowing in self-pity but if you need to take a day off from work or cancel evening plans to stay home and binge watch a TV series, don’t hesitate to do that.
B. It may not even be about you
If a romantic interest rejects you, it is often less about you than it is about themselves. They may have just got out of a bad relationship or in a place in their life where they aren’t looking for a relationship. Whatever it is, they are possibly acting on their own fears, insecurities, and hesitations and not because there is something wrong with you. They aren’t rejection you as a person, there is just something about the situation that isn’t working for them. Take comfort in knowing that!
C. Occupy your time
It is important not to let the rejection bring you down and the best way to do that is to find something better to occupy your time. Get a new hobby, engage in physical activities and sports, try meditation and yoga, travel, meet new people… the list is endless. The point is to keep yourself busy with productive things. You know what they say about the idle mind being a workshop of the devil.
D. Don’t let it define you
Just because it didn't work out with this particular person doesn’t mean that you’re worthless and unlovable or that no-one will ever want to date you. That’s just silly. Don't let your self-worth depend on what someone’s perception is of you. Just because someone else thinks something doesn't necessarily mean it's true. Try to see the rejection in perspective. It was something that happened to you but it doesn’t define someone you are.
E. Tell yourself this shall pass
Because it really will. Broken hearts have a way of healing themselves while we are not even looking. When you fill your time doing things you love and that make you happy instead of just focusing on one bad experience, you grow. And before you realise it, you will have gotten over this momentary disappointment and become a stronger person. And who knows? You might just find someone who loves you in the process.
#2. Getting Over Your Crush
The second step in the process is to get over your crush. When we are in love, we think that they’re the greatest person in the world and that they put the stars in the sky. As difficult as it is to stop thinking about them, you have to. Because you cannot move on with your life if you’re hung up on that one person.
Here are some things to do that can help you get over your crush:
A. Get it out of your system
Have a big venting session with your mom, sibling or best friend - whoever you are closest to and get it all out on the table. Talk about why you saw in them, how much it is hurting you, all the little details. Bring it all out of your system and then focus on letting it go. Talking things through can help you get a better insight into why you feel the way you do and also helps you get a fresh perspective.
B. Create some distance
When it comes to getting over a crush, a little distance can go a long long way. Try to stay away from them as much as possible to let yourself heal. Out of sight is often out of mind. If it is a friend, bow out of group plans gracefully. Cut them off your social media. Even though you can't avoid seeing them in person, it doesn't mean you need to suffer through them popping up all over your social media. Unfollow them on Snapchat. Don't let them dominate your Instagram feed. Try not to stalk them because it will just make you feel worse.
C. Make a list of their flaws
I know this sounds crazy but it actually does work. Like I said before, when you have curls on someone you think he is so perfect! But that is actually just in your head. Everyone has their share of flaws and I’m pretty sure your crush has some ugly too. Make a list of all those. It’ll help you get over him much faster.
D. Know Your Worth
You know how when we’re getting over some heartache, out friends always say “It's his loss!” That is true! They may not be the only person in the world for you but you are the only you. Do things that remind you of that. Focus on excelling and being the best version of yourself. When you know your worth, you love yourself and when you love yourself, you find people who would love you for you.
E. Stay Strong
I’m not going to tell you it’ll be alright that you’re only getting started and you’ll meet many more wonderful people and have great relationships. You know that already! So all I am going to say that stay strong and keep at it, you’ll feel much better very very soon. No matter how much it feels like it hurts right now, these feelings won’t last forever. And you aren’t alone in this, everyone has been there. They made it out just fine, so will you.
#3. Be A Badass Girl And Move On
Now that you’ve figured out how to deal with heartbreak and are even making progress on forgetting your crush, it is time for the final chapter in the healing process - moving on. Everyone wants to move on from the past but it is so much easier said than done. The good news is there are actually some things you can do to speed up your healing process. Take a look:
A. Change old habits
There are some things that connect us to people we are or were in love with. In order to move on, you have to break those connections. Change the music when ‘your song’ comes on. Get rid of books you’d read together. Stop going to the café that was your favourite spot. Delete their number from your phone. Make the changes now, they don’t even have to be permanent. The idea is to break up the old associations and create a new environment that lets you move into your new life.
Sometimes a change of environment can go a long way for the soul. You can choose to go away and participate in a group trip, or if you prefer going solo, travel by yourself. In either case, it can be a very healing experience. Going to a place where no-one knows you allows you to be yourself, not worry about saying or doing something and let go of all the negative experiences. It can give you some much-needed solace to move on. Treat yourself to a retreat from the world.
C. Keep the faith
It really does get easier. Your heart feels shattered and you don’t know how to move on but one day you will laugh again. Time has a way of bringing distance and healing. You’ll probably always remember this breakup, but the pain of a broken heart will fade soon enough. You will heal. You will feel happy, healthy, and whole again! Know that every heartbreak, loss, setback, and disappointment, no matter how difficult is a part of who you are. In a weird kind of way, they actually make you whole. They make you stronger. They make you more you.
D. Remember the future is full of possibilities
We think that true love happens only once and that just because you’re going through a heartbreak means you’ll never feel love again. This is as far from the truth as it can possibly be. You have no idea what is out there waiting for you and it will be so much better from what you have left behind. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
E. Be proud of yourself for taking a risk
Opening up your heart and letting someone in isn’t something everyone can do. The destination may not have turned out to be quite what you wanted but that doesn’t mean that the journey wasn’t worth it. Love is a big risk that only the bravest can take. You took it. You should pat yourself on the back for that. You did well.
Even if it feels incredibly painful at the moment, heartbreak, in the long term shouldn’t bother you. It can actually be a great experience because it helps you to know yourself better and teaches you to value yourself.
Signs That Rejection And Breakup Is Making You Better
If you’ve had a broken heart, here are some signs that you have actually become better because of it:
1. When it comes to approaching someone you like, you don’t jump in head-on. You take your time, go one step at a time and ensure you’re both on the same page before coming to any conclusion. You are a more calculated person.
2. You stopped giving past loves endless chances to come back into your life. You understand why they are not the best person for you and you respect that. You’ve moved on.
3. You have stopped crossing oceans for people who won’t jump puddles for you. You know that if they don’t care about you, it is okay to let them go.
4. You aren’t reckless with your heart and you won’t give it to someone who is. It’s not that you’re a cynic but that you’ve become more careful or more guarded with your heart in a good way.
5. You know yourself better and consequently, you know what you’re looking for in a partner. It helps you make better relationship decisions.
6. You love the single life and the chance to do everything you can’t when you are in a relationship. You embrace this period.
7. You’re not scared of heartbreak. It is a risk that comes with every relationship and to be afraid of that, is to be afraid of love itself. You believe in your ability to move on if the need will arise.
8. You don’t make excuses on behalf of people just because you like them. You don’t ignore the red flags. You either address them or acknowledge that this person may not be right for you and walk away.
9. You don’t believe in almost-relationships anymore. There is nothing worse than obsessing over what you mean to a guy. You know that if a guy really loves you, he will commit to you and if he doesn’t, it simply means he isn’t serious about you.
10. You date people because you genuinely want to be with them. Not because you’re trying to fill a void or you’re scared of being alone. You know you can keep yourself happy. You are enough. Anyone else is simply an add-on.
11. You realise that love doesn’t only have to be romantic. You know there are other equally important relationships in your life such as your family, friends, pets and colleagues. You invest more in those.
12. You’ve learnt that attraction fades and it isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. You look for more lasting qualities such as compatibility.
13. You have learnt that if someone loves you, they will come right out and say it or make it feel in their actions. Either way, you will know. You have stopped overthinking and overanalyzing everything. You don’t second-guess or wonder. You know love shouldn’t feel like a puzzle.
14. Above all, you aren’t a cynic. You remain positive and hopeful about love. You know heartbreak is nothing but a stepping stone leading you to greater things in life.