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Fakiraah Irfan
10 Aug 2017 . 4 min read

Is It Unladylike For Women To Have A High Sexual Drive?


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“We were in my friend’s bedroom. He was lying right next to me. His hands touching me on my waist, and when he got closer and whispered in my ears “you have a very high sexual drive, something like men or whores have.”

I remember feeling disgusted by myself when he uttered those words. He would always point out such stuff to me “you always want to be held or rather groped...what kind of a woman are you, don’t you think it’s too much...I’m not going to kiss you.” That night, I went back home and cried.

All of these memories rushed in at three in the morning. I felt like someone who wanted to have “too much” sex. When really I just felt like a woman who wanted to be held by the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. A woman who was passionate in bed. And now, I had become a woman who has been called a slut. 

So, I did what any woman whose sexuality was challenged would do. I buried it.

Maybe he was right. That having sex or wanting it the way I wanted it was not a feminine characteristic. That night, I went deep into the realms of my mind, I found myself in the deep abyss of morality. Where I questioned my actions with the standards of society. Well, by those standards I was a whore. With that strong narrative in my mind I decided to not have any physical intimacy.

I decided to be pure. “Pure” because that’s what a woman who doesn't have sex is. She’s the chaste, the saint, the one all men want, the one who is saving the honor of her family by guarding her thighs. I wanted to be that. So I made up my mind to give up orgasms for honor.

Three month’s into the entire thing my boyfriend of six years left me. He felt there was no love left in the land of our forever. After he left I was devastated and ended up making the biggest mistake of my life - Getting myself a rebound!

And when I was trying to break things up with him, he held me, started getting physical and said “Your ex-boyfriend was wrong. You are not a whore, you are a slut. Whores do it for money, sluts just enjoy sex”

It's when he said those words filled with misogyny that I realized something that I should’ve done way before I let this man spew the broken shards of whatever of his ego was left at me. I realised I am a human with needs, fully expressing them to the men I was with.

This universal battle for a woman's sexual emancipation can only be won when we start a revolution which recognises women as sexual beings and not fodder for sexual predators.

Even though we “millennials” have sex before marriage, we still believe those age old "morals". We still think women who have sex on first dates are loose, we still slut shame them, call them whores. We still carry the honor of our families in our vaginas. And somehow, what comes and goes out of there is still everyone’s business.

Are women really objects that are valued and devalued according to the status of their hymens?”

To read more about the sexual revolutions around the world click here

To talk to other women who feel the same click here.

 

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Fakiraah Irfan

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Responses

  • P*****
    Agree..well written
  • A*****
    Well Said! As human beings we all have physical needs. If not having sexual desires(few people) is normal then having sexual desires is extra normal. It's nothing to be shamed of or to be questioned. And if a woman can't express her deepest desires to her Man, who else will she express it to? Partners need to be understanding. And should respect each others feelings and desires. That's how relationships get stronger.
  • F*****
    thank you so much ladies! it's great to see that you are advocating what we have been taught that only exists for men! However my virginity, my hymen doesn’t need protection or saving. While we as a society ask women to cover up so that we do not tempt men,into having our honor taken away. We never police the man to keep his temptations under control. We do that because we as a society, including women believe that sex comes naturally to men, so much so that they cannot control themselves. This entire obsession with women being the purest figures with their hymens intact ,is the rooting ground for misogyny . It feeds on such belief system that all religions are collectively obsessed with: a woman’s virginity. Where they are compared with something precious that needs protection, and however if it is left unprotected it loses value. Are women really objects that are valued and devalued in regard to the status of their hymen?
  • B*****
    Gargi i agree wd u dear, coz evn i dnt remember when i hd last sex coz my married life is nt working so may b wl get seperated soon. It doesnt mke any dffrce bt s i do get horney smtimes bt nt to sch extreme stage dt i get intimate wd anybdy, i cn cntrol my emotions n fr me only my child's education n my carreer is more imprtnt den anythng else.
  • P*****
    V well written..men and women are equal..we have the same needs as they do
  • A*****
    Touched the right chords...It's too bold by Indian standards to talk on this topic so openly...And its surprising that a land of kama sutra has such notion for something so primal..So basic to being alive and feeling for it...
  • R*****
    Very well said...
  • G*****
    Very touching. I have sexual needs, and I have no hesitation in telling them. To hell with men who think this way. But at the same time I feel women are beyond this sexual-asexual thing. Women's physiology is so planned by nature that at some point in time women can concentrate on other things than just sex, unlike men who remain as lusty even at 80.
  • S*****
    Well worded
  • K*****
    Well described, apart from being a woman, we are humans first and are bind with all biological changes....we tooo get hurt, loved, get high, get sad...and same like we feel the urge of having sex tooo....there is nothing wrong in this..it's natural, but our society is all double standard, but Iam sure humans living here are not all the same with this kind of deprived thinking
  • Anonymous
    Thoughts on paper... really appreciate
  • M*****
    Great.. we need to be more open on this
  • S*****
    Boldly written
  • S*****
    We carry such foolish notions in our mind! So important to get rid of them.