Is It Unladylike For Women To Have A High Sexual Drive?

Last updated 11 Aug 2017 . 4 min read

“We were in my friend’s bedroom. He was lying right next to me. His hands touching me on my waist, and when he got closer and whispered in my ears “you have a very high sexual drive, something like men or whores have.”

I remember feeling disgusted by myself when he uttered those words. He would always point out such stuff to me “you always want to be held or rather groped...what kind of a woman are you, don’t you think it’s too much...I’m not going to kiss you.” That night, I went back home and cried.

All of these memories rushed in at three in the morning. I felt like someone who wanted to have “too much” sex. When really I just felt like a woman who wanted to be held by the person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. A woman who was passionate in bed. And now, I had become a woman who has been called a slut. 

So, I did what any woman whose sexuality was challenged would do. I buried it.

Maybe he was right. That having sex or wanting it the way I wanted it was not a feminine characteristic. That night, I went deep into the realms of my mind, I found myself in the deep abyss of morality. Where I questioned my actions with the standards of society. Well, by those standards I was a whore. With that strong narrative in my mind I decided to not have any physical intimacy.

I decided to be pure. “Pure” because that’s what a woman who doesn't have sex is. She’s the chaste, the saint, the one all men want, the one who is saving the honor of her family by guarding her thighs. I wanted to be that. So I made up my mind to give up orgasms for honor.

Three month’s into the entire thing my boyfriend of six years left me. He felt there was no love left in the land of our forever. After he left I was devastated and ended up making the biggest mistake of my life - Getting myself a rebound!

And when I was trying to break things up with him, he held me, started getting physical and said “Your ex-boyfriend was wrong. You are not a whore, you are a slut. Whores do it for money, sluts just enjoy sex”

It's when he said those words filled with misogyny that I realized something that I should’ve done way before I let this man spew the broken shards of whatever of his ego was left at me. I realised I am a human with needs, fully expressing them to the men I was with.

This universal battle for a woman's sexual emancipation can only be won when we start a revolution which recognises women as sexual beings and not fodder for sexual predators.

Even though we “millennials” have sex before marriage, we still believe those age old "morals". We still think women who have sex on first dates are loose, we still slut shame them, call them whores. We still carry the honor of our families in our vaginas. And somehow, what comes and goes out of there is still everyone’s business.

Are women really objects that are valued and devalued according to the status of their hymens?”

To read more about the sexual revolutions around the world click here

To talk to other women who feel the same click here.


Fakiraah Irfan

Share the Article :