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Dhara Joshi
9 Apr 2019 . 1 min read

Female Masturbation, The Self Love We Need To Be More Open About


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The new Netflix Original series ‘Sex Education’ has taken the world by storm.

And for good reason.

It is some incredible writing and goes a long way in normalising conversations about something that is a pretty natural and human part of our lives.

One of my most favourite plot-lines in the series is about a character called Aimee who plays one of the most sexually liberated women I’ve seen on-screen. But when her partner Steve asks her what she enjoys in bed, she is left dumbstruck.

“No one has ever asked me that before,” she says.

Thus begins her journey of discovering her own sexuality, what she enjoys in bed and in possibly one of the most progressive moments - masturbation.

When interviewed, actress Aimee Lou Wood, who plays the character, Aimee Gibbs, said she felt proud to play a female character taking ownership of her sexuality because women are often sold the myth that sex is not for them.

She explained how this is very much a gendered issue, describing the boys she went to school with as “shameless” when it came to talking about sex and masturbation, whereas these topics were a “complete taboo” among her female peers.

And as I write this, I realise how true it is.

As women, we tend to share (even, overshare) a lot of things. We go into a lot of details about our personal lives with our sisters or best friends. But when it comes to masturbation, we shy away from all kinds of conversations.

Largely, women aren’t even okay with admitting openly that they masturbate. Let alone discuss it.

The causes for this are actually rooted pretty deep in our psyche. Because of the patriarchy we live in, a lot of women have been conditioned to believe that sex is for the pleasure of the man. For the woman, it is simply her duty. Whether she enjoys it or not, it doesn’t really matter.

That is why conversations about masturbation are very normal in the men's locker room conversations. But for us women, it feels wrong and taboo. Because women’s pleasure is considered wrong and taboo.

The female desire on its own without the purpose of making babies or pleasing the man is uncomfortable to accept and talk about.

A lot of girls are even taught at a young age that it is a sin.

But sisters, it is 2019!

It is about time we can openly discuss that the woman’s pleasure is equally important in an intimate situation. And it is only natural that she indulges in some self-love when she feels like it.

So here is an attempt.

Masturbation 101 For Women

Masturbation is stimulating yourself sexually. It is extremely natural, very normal and in fact, a great way to release pent up sexual energy.

Understanding the different parts of your body is the first step towards successful stimulation. The fact that you may not know the names of all your lady parts can be a little off-putting but that does not matter for now.

Lisa Lister, author and creator of wellness website The Sassy She says that getting to know your body, and not getting hung up on terminology, is the best approach.

“It would be great if we were taught the technicalities in school, but unfortunately we’re not. Though it’s good to know the terminology, it’s not essential. My advice would be to explore, get to know what things feel like, and if it feels good, keep going!”

In order to help us to become more familiar with our anatomy, Lisa provides simple, straightforward definitions for some of our bodily bits.

Vulva: "This is the outer part of your lady landscape. It includes the clitoris, labia lips, urethra and entrance to the vagina, and its opening is almond shaped."

Clitoris: "When people talk about the clitoris, they’re usually just talking about the glans – the very sensitive outside part, but the bean-like bump you can see on the vulva is just the tip of the iceberg. It's the only organ of the body with the sole function of providing pleasure. It's the most nerve-rich part of the vulva, containing over 8,000 nerve endings, which is twice as many as the penis. This makes it the powerhouse of pleasure. This tiny erogenous zone spreads the feel-good-love to 15,000 other nerves in the pelvis, which explains why it feels like your whole body is being taken over when you orgasm."

Vagina: "This is a pulsing muscle that opens and closes between the cervix (at the base of the uterus) and the external opening.”

When it comes to the actual process, it varies for every individual. Some women prefer to use their own hands while others like to use toys.

The key to finding what works for you simply is exploration.

Try different things, change the dynamics such as the speed and pressure - if it feels good, you’re on the right track. Don’t focus on the orgasm in the beginning. It is important to enjoy the journey and not just race to the finish line. It will happen. No pressure.

Lisa also thinks to get to know your menstrual cycle is an important way of ensuring you get the most from the experience.

"Some people find that they’ll want to be playful and explore more around ovulation. You may not feel the urge to masturbate during your pre-menstrual cycle, but the orgasms will actually be way better, even if they do take a bit longer.”

A lot of women prefer external stimulants to aid masturbation. Whether it is watching porn, reading erotica or simply letting your imagination run - you can try different things and find what works for you.

Even if people feel female masturbation is a taboo, the reality is actually much to the contrary. There are several benefits to it.

Here are some:

1. It puts your sexuality in your own hands

With mainstream porn catering to the male-gaze and focusing almost exclusively on his pleasure, young women feel immense pressure to imitate the weird acts depicted on screen. Irrespective of whether she enjoys it or not. Masturbation returns women’s sexual power to where it belongs – with women.

2. It teaches you to be confident and comfortable in your own body

This quality time you’re spending with yourself helps you become more familiar and confident in your own body. You appreciate your body more. It can be very liberating. Moreover, it can also help you understand better what you enjoy. Communicating the same to your partner during intercourse can help improve the experience for both of you.

3. It makes you happier

Scientifically speaking, masturbation increases blood flow through your body and releases feel-good brain chemicals such as serotonin and oxytocin, even if you don’t orgasm. This will have you feeling lighter and happier! It is even scientifically proven to reduce the stress hormones in your body.

4. It has so many physical benefits

Masturbation could help you sleep better, get rid of a headache, boost your immune system, prevent diabetes and even prevent cystitis.

5. It can ease post-menopause sexual problems

After the menopause, the vagina can narrow down. This makes sex more painful for a lot of women. Masturbation can help prevent this. It boosts blood flow, relieve tissue and moisture problems, and increases your sex drive.

it feels great

We all have sexual needs and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. By talking about masturbation, we ensure that future generations don’t look at sex as simply a baby-making activity or the means to a man’s pleasure. We let the world know that sex drive isn’t a male monopoly but women are equal participants therein.

Is It Unladylike For Women To Have A High Sexual Drive?

What are your thoughts and experiences on talking about masturbation? Tell me in the comments!


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Dhara Joshi

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Responses

  • श*****
    I do sometimes for a change Nice article dear
  • D*****
    I too masturbate.... It give me pleasure
  • M*****
    I too agree with dis
  • J*****
    I agree with this thought.
  • K*****
    I have definitely explored my body with the help of masturbation. now I know exactly how I want it. it has also relieved me from menstrual cramps up to 70%. now I don't need to take any pain killers during periods.
  • R*****
    I totally Agree with ur thoughts and appreciate it 👍
  • H*****
    This topic comes in publically when movie comes veere Di wedding...n lust stories netflix series ..in these you can see the women masturbation is the sexual desire of women body.... If we used to talk about men masturbate commonly why we do not hve right to express ourbody need .. Why we cant satisfy us .....i think in some level why we beg for satisfaction from men only sometimes this is. The best way to feel relax.......
  • P*****
    Its a taboo in our society for women talk like this however why not as a nation we are now capable of downing satelites why not women given the right to discuss their needs. I as a single parent sometimes feel bad that i also have the urge to release my sexual pent up emotions. Thanks gor starting this topic. We should be liberal now to discuss openly
  • S*****
    Thank you for this great content finally someone talk about this topic which is considered taboo in our society , and i love to masturbate , we women should explore our sexuality .
  • L*****
    Amazing article
  • K*****
    Really nice article
  • D*****
    An eyeopener
  • R*****
    Really I 've forgot to love myself . Now this article generated new energy in me .Now I 'll love myself firat. Thanx to bring smile back.
  • V*****
    Woah.... brilliant article @DharaJoshi and I m glad you spoke about this so called "Taboo". I love to masturbate and I am sure many girls would now begin to explore and lov themselves.
  • B*****
    Thank you for the article. I do masturbate and the premenstrual urge is always high and I too have noticed it reduces the cramp and menustral pain especially now in my menopausal stage. But I don't feel the orgasm. And it's very important for girls and women alike to know that masturbation is not a sin. The only magazine in my teen days which had something on this topic(in the question and answer section) was Femina and that is what made me realise that it completely scientific to masturbate though not all girls and women feel the urge or the necessity. And many do have a wrong conception that if they do it can turn habitual and that's harmful.
  • C*****
    This is insane. Beautiful way to explaining women needs. Its just a taboo. Bcoz just lyk men. Women also need self time.self love
  • K*****
    Thank u for the Great content!! More awareness is required in such topics, actually women's don't know their body n they become baby generating machine. Man thinks sex n orgasm r for them only, to make them happy n feel pleasure. I think reaching orgasm took more time n efforts for a women, than man orgasm, coz of this women do fake orgasm so that their partner won't feel bad. But yeah there r women who don't feel orgasm, n it make them think they have some problem. But it might be lack of knowledge of both men n women.
  • S*****
    Awesome content ...thanks for sharing the same...
  • G*****
    It is great to see such an article which is non-apologetic of human needs.
  • G*****
    Great post , what today's generation need is relevant advice regarding sex and female masturbation. Tqs for the post dear.
  • S*****
    Wonderful article to come across...it is so right to discuss such things as we women often overlook things which would be beneficial for us as well..women should learn to love our own body and discover how happy we can be loving our own self..
  • S*****
    This is not bad it's good bcoz I think self respect nd self love make us more confidence
  • R*****
    It's good to talk about such things .but still so many woman fell embarrassed to share there feeling even with their mother,sister even friend . I think it's not a big deal to share what you feel exactly . I enjoyed reading this article thank you
  • T*****
    Helpful
  • M*****
    Nice and correct information. Needed by many to know themselves
  • C*****
    nice....
  • K*****
    Thank you for this article I am single unmarried girl... I am 28 and whenever I feel something I always feel that it's not good... Sometimes I think that I should do masthrbation so that I can feel relax but this "WRONG" feeling... I always feel shy and guilty. And thats why i am suffering from high body heat. Even I can't drink tea in summers. After reading this article I feel little better.
  • S*****
    I think mostly women don't feel orgasm .so this is good for their satisfaction.
  • S*****
    Loved it. As a girl i always felt masturbation was a perversion. Thank God we are talking about these things openly. Our kids wouldn't have to suffer ignorance and a false sense of guilt.
  • D*****
    Indeed a good article. We women must get liberated from the taboos of shyness on talking about sex and sexuality. Additionally the article is informative.
  • S*****
    I am happy and thankful to share this article , I was unaware with it, I want to share with you all something, initially in my marriage I feel like my husband do sex with me because it's new marriage but I never use to say to him due to shyness and he sometimes never do it thinking I am not interested but after। a time when we open he said that I should say it if I feel it and he said nothing is wrong in it and we girls are really dumb in this,I was unaware with these termology thanks for sharing with us
  • S*****
    Nothing wrong. True and every one must be aware. Great article
  • J*****
    Ya exactly , We're not born to please a man or make kids . We too have sexual desires n that's totally ok ... nothing wrong in it . Many men think using a sex toy by a woman is like cheating on their partner but that's not true. You couldn't satisfy her that's y she took help of these things , she didn't go to other men then how is it a cheating...
  • U*****
    Self love is a need to a female body..more awareness about this has to be shared with our womenhood who are unaware of this kind of pleasure and benefits which do no harm..These kind of sharing knowledge is so helpful and its being possible only because we all r connected in Sheroes..
  • G*****
    Nice...
  • S*****
    Hi, Dhara I'm sanjna from Rajkot
  • S*****
    This is a must know topic for all the women. I hope we all share this article without any hesitation. So that all women get to know more about their body and their birth right. Thanks so much for this article.
  • M*****
    Awesome!!! I must watch this series . Thank You!! Of course woman must know self-love- because unless you love yourself guilt-free- how will you give love to others. Hopefully the currently generation is gradually inching towards being very clear of what they like and dislike in every aspect of life. This will help change the scene 1-2 generations from now. Positive changes.
  • L*****
    I know and that is so sad. Because our bodies are so different than men's. Also the focus is always on making a man orgasm. I think it is mostly because of the wrong expectations set by porn.
  • R*****
    Women it's not SIN! It's natural processes of human body, so never feel guilty...infact masturbation helps u to be more relaxed, stress free, happy and rejunivates ur engery .☺ it's our birth rite!
  • J*****
    Too bad most women don't even know how an orgasm would feel like.
  • L*****
    Jessica, nothing wrong with masturbating. Neither biologically or morally. This is exactly the reason this article has been put out. I would also ask women to ask away any queries in the comments to clear your doubts.
  • N*****
    It is fortunate to know how to please ourselves...masturbation helps us know where we feel more pleasurable..so it makes it easy while having sex with your partner you can actually guide him for satisfying you properly & fully...😉😉
  • J*****
    is it a gud thing
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