Are You Dating As It Is Fashionable Now?

We’ve all been lonely at some point in our life. Although we spend most of our day traveling and at work, once we’re back home, chances are that loneliness sets in. We miss having someone around, someone with whom we can sip a cuppa coffee or tea, relax and share things about our day or just cuddle and read a book maybe.

So we turn to our smart gadgets and voila! Our favorite social media websites are filled with happy, smiling faces of couples in love, in relationships and what not. It seems like everyone has someone. Then we log in to the various dating apps and start swiping. Before you can say ‘Jack’, we’ve zeroed in on someone who appears to be a perfect match for us.

It seems like everyone has someone.

Although we’re happy for that moment, we need to pause and reflect on whether it’s the right way to rid us of our loneliness. Is it smart to get into a relationship just because we’re lonely and because we see that everyone around us is in one?

While it’s mostly fun to be with someone, to have that person to hold and love and party with, we need to remember that dating’s fun when we’re in a clear and positive frame of mind and not when we’re low and lonely.

Relationships take time; there are emotions involved no matter how casual you say it is, and if you get attached to the wrong person, you might end up getting scarred for life. It’s important to be aware that what we see around us might not be the truth. There are couples I know who, with their social network profiles, seem to be setting relationship goals for everyone, but in reality are on the verge of a divorce. However, they have to pretend to be happy because everyone around them is, and so they live a lie.

Let’s look at some of the repercussions of dating just because everyone else is:

It’s dangerous: We all know that a lot of people lie about who they really are on dating or match-making websites. Profiles are fake, faces are fake; people fake their avatar altogether. It’s difficult to judge someone’s character virtually. The kind of insight that one gets from body language, facial expressions, and behavior when face to face with the person cannot be obtained over the internet. Not only that, you might end up with the wrong one; he or she might be a criminal, a con artist and more. If you’re looking for a fulfilling relationship to ease your loneliness, letting your guard down might not be such a good idea when you’re dating someone you’ve met online.

I got into a relationship with a guy I met on a popular travel website. He seemed well-read and well-traveled and I was smitten. When we initially met in person, he was a perfect gentleman and I thought that finally, I was in luck. Not only that, I was freshly out of a long, committed relationship which lasted about 15 years and so I was lonely. I was on the rebound and this man seemed to be like from heaven.

He showered me with attention and time and before I knew it, I was head over heels in ‘love’ with him.  I was shocked when one day, I saw an ugly side to him. We got into an argument and he was physically violent with me. I stayed with him like most women do because he apologized and begged me not to leave, but when the abuse continued and got worse and I started to fear for my life, I ran!

It can destroy you emotionally: A lot of people, especially teenagers might feel that they’re not able to ‘find a date’ because they’re unattractive or that something's wrong with them. They watch their friends hook up with someone and have a good time and start to think that they’re not ‘worth it’. So they compromise on quality. They start looking in all the wrong places and might get into a relationship with someone who isn’t as invested in it as they are, or someone who abuses them emotionally and mentally. And before they realize it, they fall apart. We’ve all read that teenage suicide is on the rise, and failed relationships are also a cause. The feeling of emptiness when someone leaves is very hard to bear and if they don’t have someone they can confide in, death seems like a better option than facing the world alone. 

Nothing and no one is worth my life. Say it till you believe it. Repeat it again and again!

It’s unhealthy: A bad relationship can be unhealthy for you, like literally!! If you’re unhappy with the person, it can lead to stress which, in turn, will and might lead to severe health complications like blood pressure, diabetes and even skin problems which are nothing but a manifestation of your body’s negative reaction to all the happenings in your life.

Don’t fall in love because you’re lonely. Don’t fall in love because you’re 27 and everyone around you is getting married, but you’re single. Don’t be with someone just because they look good and you think you both will make a good looking couple. Don’t get married just because your relatives and neighbors think that something's wrong with you because you’re not seeing someone and aren’t hitched. Remember that you have to spend the rest of your life with that person and not them.

Getting into a relationship just because you’re divorced and society will look down upon you as a single mother will be the worst decision you can take. What’s the guarantee that your child will be treated well or that you will be happy!

A lot of us also try to ‘replace’ our former partners in various ways. We look for the same qualities and traits that they possessed because we miss them. It’s important to move away from things that made us unhappy and threatened our well -being. But latching onto something that might destroy us is worse. It’s good to be alone too; there’s freedom to enjoy, places to go and interesting people to meet. Don’t rush it, let it come to you when the time is right. So like John Mayer says “Don’t be scared to walk alone. Don’t be scared to like it”