A letter to my unborn child
I contemplated and planned to have a child at the “right time”. I was always so busy with work, I really didn’t know whether I should have a child now or have one later. I am a working woman and I do want to be a mother. But I love my work. A lot.
A young working woman writes to her unborn child and shares her dilemma surrounding her love of work and desire to be a mother.
Your dad and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary yesterday. It was a beautiful day and we chose to spend it with our closest friends over lunch. Board games and wine followed while we watched the movie “Ice Age” on television. It may have been the wine but every time little Roshan from the movie wasn't safe, I silently shrieked. It was you I saw in him all along somehow. My mind goes numb writing about the miscarriage and how I have already lost you once. And I pray you never face any more pain and you speed up your pace to get into my arms. I have already learnt about baby foods and cradle types and I have already made mental notes on all baby advice.
But I am in a dilemma, I do not know if I will be a good mom. I know my biological clock is ticking and I should be marching down to the doctor’s clinic just this minute. But it seems like it will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I will never be able to retain my sanity if some harm were to come onto you because of my lack of baby knowledge or because I was away at work. How will I ever deal with even a single such instance? How can I be selfish enough to weigh all the joy your hugs are going to give me to the realization that I may not be able to take care of you. And when we go on vacations and I want to take a small morning trek with your father, will it make me mad that you won’t let that happen? What if I get so mad that I cherish my freedom before you more. How will I be able to exist with such a whirlwind of feelings in me all the time?
But then what is this that I feel in every waking moment of my life right now, these feelings of my life being incomplete. These feelings which long for you and your touch. I am constantly making plans for you for when you arrive, constantly imagining ways to make you very happy, and constantly improvising on myself in preparation for you. I know my life will change forever and I know I will long for the freedom I have grown used to but I also know I will find a way to keep the child in me alive too. I know there will be times I will unknowingly cause some harm to you, as much as it will pain me I will learn to keep you safe. If the mammoth, the sloth and the tiger could take care of little Roshan then am sure mommy can take care of little Siddharth too.
The writer of this piece prefers to remain anonymous. She currently works for a Digital Media agency.