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Gagan asked

test question please forward it to Avani.
06 Apr 2017, 10:38am
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Gagan, thanks for this question. Try not to call people venereal disease :)
06 Apr 2017, 11:45am View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Gagan, thanks for this question. Try not to call people venereal disease :)

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Richa asked

Hi Dr, Anvi. I don't know if it is good thing to ask or not, but this is really bugging me like anything. Ours was a love marriage, and we decided to get married after 4+ years of knowing each other and being in love. He is a very good man, very gentle and very loving and caring. But even after 5 years of our marriage, he is not intimate at all. He doesn't want any sex, often watches porn and helps himself (you know what I mean), and this keeps me very very upset. I feel hungry for intimacy!! But he never even talks about it. Once we had this huge fight, and he bluntly told me he doesn't feel anytthing (probably because I kept on gaining weight). Where everyone in my friends and colleagues describe me as a super smart although fat and happy go lucky girl, I don;t feel the same coming from him. He was very loving in our GF/BF days, and we kissed often, but no physical contacts were made with mutual decision. But then now also he is no different than a regular friend to me. He loves me like anything, he takes care of me too, but then it boils me to the core seeing him just as a friend and not a husband. We do not talk about sex, its just me who asks if he would like to do it, and he always has his excuses ready. Now since few past months, he had started going out with few girls too, little often. I was not very comfortable initially, I started checking his FB and watsapp messages. When he realised this, he started putting restrictions and deleting messages. When I asked why secretive, he said because I over-react. I do not know what to do. Neither do I understand if he will ever make me satisfied. What should I do?? :(
28 Mar 2017, 04:44pm
Richa, it sounds like there is not a lot of trust left in your relationship. You think something is going on behind your back and you have violated your partners trust by snooping on his phone and in his personal accounts. Have you tried to have a direct conversation instead of fighting about the lack of intimacy and just honestly letting him know that you miss your close times together? The honest truth is just because you have a love marriage doesn't mean that love comes automatically you still have to work at it. One thing you mentioned is your weight are you happy with it? If so, then live your life and try to find things that make you happy your husband may come around if he doesn't feel you will argue with him. If you aren't happy with it, then change it. The truth is you can't force someone to be intimate but you can ask for what you need. A good framework for this is using "I" statements "when we are not intimate, I feel rejected" (or whatever you feel). Never blaming, just share what you feel. See if you can start a dialogue that is gentle and explores what is happening in your relationship. Happy to help with any other questions you may have. Avani
29 Mar 2017, 01:35pm View Less
Richa, it sounds like there is not a lot of trust left in your
relationship. You think something is

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Sangeeta asked

Hi Dr. Avani, I am struggling with a fact in my married life! Remarried nine years back, met on a marriage platform, he is a decent man with a diabetic background who also had an abusive marriage! We liked each other care for each other but never had a normal married life he has totally stopped responding to our sexual needs it was never there but watever little we had is gone! There is v little physical intimacy other than hug n Kiss n general care! He is unable to Perform! On top Has stopped asking about my needs, keeps saying he wants to but has not Taken a single step! Other than some financial and general support in Life we don't have much going on. He never shares his financial Plans Or Future either! At this stage what I do I do he has two Children from His previous marriage who live in west. Please help
11 Mar 2017, 03:56pm
Hi Sangeeta, Thank you so much for your patience with me and answering your question. It seems like you and your partner have drifted apart. Have you had a frank conversation in a loving matter about the issues in your marriage? No accusing him, but in an open way - I feel (XXX) when I don't get time from you. Using "I" statements can help to connect instead of making such conversations combative. It;s important to ask for what you want instead of making your partner wrong for not providing it. On the whole, I would also ask if his health is being taken care of. Diabetics can have periods of low energy and that can put a lot of things on hold. Ask for what you need, try to make a connection, see if that helps. Hope this helps - let me know if you need any more help.
27 Mar 2017, 05:39pm View Less
Hi Sangeeta,

Thank you so much for your patience with me and answering your question. It seems l

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Bhavna asked

nbvnfvnvm
18 Jan 2017, 01:38pm
Hi Bhavna - do you have a question?
18 Jan 2017, 07:08pm View Less
Hi Bhavna - do you have a question?

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Laxmi asked

Hi Avani, Thank you so much. I will try to implement what you have suggested and hope to see some good results. Thanks a lot. Regards
12 Jan 2017, 01:44pm
Laxmi, let me know how goes. Goos luck - love and relationships can get us down but as long as you have the right tools you can make them better and more fulfilling. Sending a hug! Avani
17 Jan 2017, 02:27pm View Less
Laxmi, let me know how goes. Goos luck - love and relationships can get us down but as long as you h

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Laxmi asked

Hi Avani, #Longpost Alert I am Laxmi, 32 Yrs old work from home mom of 2.5 yrs old supernaughty boy. I come from Recruitment Industry, after marriage I left working as i moved with my husband to a remote location where he used to work. Slowly he convinced me to start a Recruitment Firm and luckily we also got few clients (It was his dream to Start his own business) but he kept his job. 6 months into the marriage I got pregnant, but still I worked till my baby was born. Slowly I lost all my clients as I wasnt able to devote my time to work (first time motherhood, PPD and emotional imbalance). Then we moved to Delhi, he left his job, we put in every penny we had to book a flat in Delhi. He again took another job and since we were in financial stress, I took up work from home assignments from some recruitment companies. Pls note that I am not very ambitious and my first priority is my kid. I want to take up taht much work only which I can handle alongwith my kid. My husband keeps me pushing to restart our recruitment firm which gets stressful for me. His all the conversation revolves around work and money only. we hardly speak to each other. most of the talks end up in discussions and then fights. Every vacation plan gets on delayed or postponed. I really want to work this out but he just doesnt understand my point of view. I have spoken my mind almost 100 times in last 3 yrs that I like life as whole. Only work cant be everything for me. Pls let me know where i am going wrong. I just cant talk to anyone about this. Regards
09 Jan 2017, 03:40pm
Hi Laxmi - it looks like a classic case of different priorities. He may feel stressed and is pushing the issue - and you clearly want to spend time with your child. I want to ask you, besides trying to talk about the most stressful things - are you both taking time out to connect? Sometimes that can mean going out on a fun date night, cooking a special meal together, or doing something fun at home as a family. Stop the cycle of stress and look for connection. This can go a long way in easing the tension. I also urge you to go out and make a life for yourself filled with hobbies and passions - even though you are a mom, maybe there are some things you can explore to make your own life more fulfilling. When you are happier overall his moods or concerns won't affect you as much. What do you think?
09 Jan 2017, 06:53pm View Less
Hi Laxmi - it looks like a classic case of different priorities. He may feel stressed and is pushing

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Poonam asked

Hello.. I am from Bangalore , doing graduation with physical disability looking online job , work from home ..please guide me.. Thank you
22 Nov 2016, 09:44pm
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Poonam, this is Avani - you can do many types of jobs online, as you have so many skills! Have you searched the SHEROES platform for work from home positions yet?
04 Apr 2017, 11:46am View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Poonam, this is Avani - you can do many types of jobs online, as you have so many skills! Have

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priya asked

Helllo Avani,\n\nI am 30 year old, unmarried \n\nI am suffering Searching life partner for marriage but due to highly expectation and demanding from boys /family (should be working girl and engineering background girl) getting rejection so my parents facing this problem /how solve this problem .\n\nBut i would like to marry who should not be insecure in life.\n\nbut my parents want i should marriage before 30 \n\ncould you please suggest me what should i do on this critical situation? \n \n
16 Nov 2016, 06:36pm
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi priya ,\n\nThank you for writing in ! \n\nAssuming that your parents are important to you and that you do want them to be happy, it might be best to sit them down and have a serious talk with them. Explain that you agree with them that marriage is important and that you're looking for a life partner on your own.\n\nIf you and your parents come from a culture where the parents are expected to play a part in this search, then share what you're looking for in a life partner. Emphasize that you want to be friends first with this person because you want to be sure that you truly are compatible before you complicate matters with sex (which marriage inevitably does) or dating.\n\nThen allow them to express their concerns and their point of view. Listen to those concerns in full. Do not rebut them until they’ve had their say. Thank them for their good suggestions. Address only those issues that they’ve gotten entirely the wrong idea about, and only those so much as you correct their misperception of who you are and who you want to be with as a result of that. Don’t utter the words, “You’re wrong.” Don’t place blame. They do want what’s best for you, right? (If they don’t, that’s a whole different issue.) If they’re critical of you being picky, point out that marriage is a long time to be miserable together and remind them that you’re the kind of person who has to try something out before you know it’ll work for you (You are, aren’t you? Or you’d be married already.). They may have made their marriage work on the fly, but you do things differently and that’s okay too.\n\nI think that would help, assuming that everyone wants what’s best for everyone else.
04 Apr 2017, 09:13pm View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi priya ,\n\nThank you for writing in ! \n\nAssuming that your parents are important to you and tha

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priya asked

Helllo Avani,\n\nI am 30 year old, unmarried \n\nI am suffering Searching life partner for marriage but due to highly expectation and demanding from boys /family (should be working girl and engineering background girl) getting rejection so my parents facing this problem /how solve this problem .\n\nBut i would like to marry who should not be insecure in life.\n\nbut my parents want i should marriage before 30 \n\ncould you please suggest me what should i do on this critical situation? \n \n
16 Nov 2016, 06:36pm
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi priya ,\n\nThank you for writing in ! \n\nAssuming that your parents are important to you and that you do want them to be happy, it might be best to sit them down and have a serious talk with them. Explain that you agree with them that marriage is important and that you're looking for a life partner on your own.\n\nIf you and your parents come from a culture where the parents are expected to play a part in this search, then share what you're looking for in a life partner. Emphasize that you want to be friends first with this person because you want to be sure that you truly are compatible before you complicate matters with sex (which marriage inevitably does) or dating.\n\nThen allow them to express their concerns and their point of view. Listen to those concerns in full. Do not rebut them until they’ve had their say. Thank them for their good suggestions. Address only those issues that they’ve gotten entirely the wrong idea about, and only those so much as you correct their misperception of who you are and who you want to be with as a result of that. Don’t utter the words, “You’re wrong.” Don’t place blame. They do want what’s best for you, right? (If they don’t, that’s a whole different issue.) If they’re critical of you being picky, point out that marriage is a long time to be miserable together and remind them that you’re the kind of person who has to try something out before you know it’ll work for you (You are, aren’t you? Or you’d be married already.). They may have made their marriage work on the fly, but you do things differently and that’s okay too.\n\nI think that would help, assuming that everyone wants what’s best for everyone else.
04 Apr 2017, 09:18pm View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi priya ,\n\nThank you for writing in ! \n\nAssuming that your parents are important to you and tha

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Payal asked

Hello Mam,\nThis is the first time I am asking someone about my problem. A problem which i cant handle now by myself. I am a girl of 24, have just started doing job about 1 year or so. I was happy with myself without any relationship till date. But one of my colleague (female friend) let me meet a Guy whom she knows. I befriend with him, we talk, we chat, we go to office together, he used to wait for me in the Metro. Even in Evening we used to came back home together. He lived nearby to my house. after few months, I grew feeling for him and I fall in Love with him. whenever I asked him about his GF, He avoids and denies. He also started liking me. So I thought that he might have feelings for me too and one day after a Drink, I started asking him, whether he have GF or so, at that time I was about to Propose him. \nHe agrees and told me that he had a GF of about 5 Years. I was shattered and heart broken. I avoided him, started ignoring. But One day he calls me up and wanted to meet me. He knows that I love him. After meeting, Yes, I proposed, even I knew that he had GF. We were still best friends. I do loved him alot, and have hope that One day he will came back to me, maybe.\nOne day, he invited me at his room, I went, we talk, and we kissed, we cuddles. I thought it was wrong. but I loved him indepth. I didnt understand what is right & what wrong. Its become regular. We always kissed goodbye before going home. But then He started becoming physical. He wants me to have Physical relationship with him, in which my gut feeling stops me. I asked him , whether he will marry me. \nHe strictly says, No, He love me as a Friend & he wants to marry only his GF but not confirmed. \nI was angry, I questioned him about our relationship, about his Love.\nAm I a Second Woman in his life ? What about my Self Respect ?\nAfter that, He blocked me from calls, even in Whatsapp.\nI felt bad, It broke my heart and I called him as i thought it was my mistake to get angry with him. I called him 20 times, but he didnt turn up.\nNow I am feeling alone, I lost my friend. I deactivate whatsapp & facebook. \nMy question is whether leaving him was right or wrong ?
12 Oct 2016, 06:41pm
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Payal ,\n\nThank you for reaching out ! My name is Adi and I will be helping you with this query.\n\nLet me apologise on the delay in response from us. \n\nTo your question - it will never be wrong to move out of a situation where you are being cheated or have to do things you are uncomfortable doing. \n\n A breakup is not always bad. How a breakup is carried out is important. Cheating, betraying, breaking promises is never justifiable. If a breakup is accompanied by proper confrontation, valid reasons and a closure, then it's all right. If not, then it's a shame. Relationships are not jokes. The person you are committed to is not a toy to be played around with. How you end a relationship tells a lot about the kind of person you really are. You get to know more about the person at the end of a relationship than at the beginning. If you are the initiator of the breakup, then irrespective of what your story or reasons are, you should try doing it the best way possible. Keep in mind that usually the one on the receiving end (the one you're breaking up with) is a human and how they behave with you comes with their own emotions and ego. It does not mean every other human thinks of you in the same way.
04 Apr 2017, 09:51pm View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Payal ,\n\nThank you for reaching out ! My name is Adi and I will be helping you with this query.

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Amruta asked

Meri next month shadi he.but me ye shadi nai krna chahti.gharwali jabardasti kr rahe he.agr mene ye shadi ni ki to wo log muze ghar se nikal denge.plz help me
12 Oct 2016, 06:14pm
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Amruta ,\n\nThank you for writing in !\n\nAssuming that your parents are important to you and that you do want them to be happy, it might be best to sit them down and have a serious talk with them. Explain that you agree with them that marriage is important and that you're looking for a life partner on your own.\n\nIf you and your parents come from a culture where the parents are expected to play a part in this search, then share what you're looking for in a life partner. Emphasize that you want to be friends first with this person because you want to be sure that you truly are compatible before you complicate matters with sex (which marriage inevitably does) or dating.\n\nThen allow them to express their concerns and their point of view. Listen to those concerns in full. Do not rebut them until they’ve had their say. Thank them for their good suggestions. Address only those issues that they’ve gotten entirely the wrong idea about, and only those so much as you correct their misperception of who you are and who you want to be with as a result of that. Don’t utter the words, “You’re wrong.” Don’t place blame. They do want what’s best for you, right? (If they don’t, that’s a whole different issue.) If they’re critical of you being picky, point out that marriage is a long time to be miserable together and remind them that you’re the kind of person who has to try something out before you know it’ll work for you (You are, aren’t you? Or you’d be married already.). They may have made their marriage work on the fly, but you do things differently and that’s okay too.\n\nI think that would help, assuming that everyone wants what’s best for everyone else.
04 Apr 2017, 10:42pm View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Amruta ,\n\nThank you for writing in !\n\nAssuming that your parents are important to you and tha

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Poonam asked

Hi mam, I can't woke up early morning. Wat I ll do even if I hear alarm I sleep I want to get up early but m not able to so wat I ll do
12 Oct 2016, 04:47pm
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Poonam ,\n\nThere are different solutions to different types of over sleeping - I am quickly mentioning a few below. \n\nPROBLEM: JUST GENERALLY MISERABLE IN THE MORNING\nSolution: An App That Gently Wakes You Up At Exactly The Right Time\nThere are plenty of free apps available for this - sleepyti.me is a good beginner website to understand when you should wake up. \n\nPROBLEM: SLEEP THROUGH THE ALARM\nSolution: Get A Super Annoying Alarm Clock The Literally Forces You Out Of Bed\n\nPROBLEM: JUST KEEP SNOOZING\nSolution: An App or Person in the House That Makes You Prove You’re Out Of Bed\n\nPROBLEM: CAN’T STAY OUT OF BED\nSolution: Create A Bed You Won’t Want To Get Back Into
04 Apr 2017, 09:55pm View Less
(Replied by SHEROES Coach via SHEROES Career Helpline) Hi Poonam ,\n\nThere are different solutions to different types of over sleeping - I am quickly men

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SARITA asked

Thanks a lot Avani . You really cleared so much of my worries.You console me in a very effective way.I really appreciate your kind support.Now my mind is very much light.I am thinking in a positive way .Once again thank You so much.
01 Oct 2016, 02:26pm
You are very welcome Sarita! Take care and let me know what else you need.
12 Oct 2016, 11:17pm View Less
You are very welcome Sarita! Take care and let me know what else you need.

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Nidhi asked

How can one be strong mentally when at home she is being put down by husband, in laws and she sill wants to stay in that stale relationship because of the kid .
01 Oct 2016, 12:25pm
Hi Nidhi - It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of emotional abuse. Are you sure you want to stay in that situation? If you do, then you may want to surround yourself with support from friends and family. Seek the people that make you feel the most loved, connected, and make you aware of all the things that are wonderful about you. Your family may never come around - but you can try to build up your support day by day. Remember who you are and don't let anyone take that away from you. Do things you love, stay connected to those that mater to you - and really think about whether you want your child to learn this behavior too. The resources at chaynindia.com may help you a well, read about what healthy relationships are and see the remedies available. Avani
01 Oct 2016, 01:17pm View Less
Hi Nidhi -

It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of emotional abuse. Are you sure you want t

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SARITA asked

Hi Avani, I am Sarita. I was working in India ut presently is in London U K on sabbatical leave tobe with my husband. We are married for 17 years. We were married at the age of 22. We had 2 kids ,first was an ectopic ,second was a neonatal death and third child a boy we recently lost due to brain tumor at the age of 9 years. we were a happy family before diagnose of my sons deadly cancer. After six months struggle we lost him in July,2015. Soon afetr my son passed away I lost my mother too .I was very closed to my mother. During my sons illness we gone through a hell and it's badly effect to me and my husband. He had impact on his health and had tinnitus. He complained for headache frequently like my son was complained during his illness.We showed the same to the specialist doctor and he confirmed that he is all right .He was very depressed so I pressurized him to take a job in abroad for time being so that he can heal from the loss.I also took leave and joined him.After my son's death my husband lost interest in every thing.All he goes to work ,eat and sleeps .I am here since last six months and before that was all alone for 6 months in India due to work purpose.I came here to support him.You can understands a pain of a mother who lost her only child.But unfortunately nobody is there for understand my pain. My husband now don't want a kid of his own though we are 39 only.He even don't want to adopt .He is not interested in husband wife's relation. We are not having physical relations since last two years. He even not touched me despite all my attempt in last six months. I have tried all but failed .Now I am going in depression due to his behavior. His family afraid of him. He is not listening me.I have no-body in my family to support me, I want a family but he is not listening. I am only like a mad in his life.His behavior is killing me .He is insulting me in every possible way.I AM DEEPLY HURT AND LOST WITH MY SON'S DEATH AND NOW MY HUSBAND IS KEELING ME WITH HIS BEHAVIOR.WHAT TO DO?
30 Sep 2016, 04:49pm
Sarita, I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It's a LOT. You have experienced incredible trauma, and what you are feeling is TOTALLY NORMAL. It is most important to realize that grief will often manifest itself in physical ways. It seems that your husband is processing his grief and sadness in deep ways, including turning inward, and no longer engaging in contact with you. Do not take this personally, Sarita. He is not doing this to hurt you, he is just dealing with his feelings in the only ay he knows how. No one deals with grief perfectly. Grief, especially the overwhelming type that you are both going through - needs grace to deal with. You may find herself unable to sleep or eat; or may want to sleep or eat constantly. You may feel like doing nothing. You may feel like distracting yourself. Are you yourself feeling any of this? Embrace your feelings completely for a few weeks atleast - all of them anger , guilt , denial , sorrow , fear - all of them. Observe your feelings and let them sink it, they will not hurt you. Don't take your husband's behavior personally - he and you will deal differently. Let him know you are there for him but take care of yourself. Eat well, drink water and try to sleep well. Know that time will heal this - but you need support. Consider going to a counselor yourself or a grief support group - check with hospitals and psycotherapists in your arena. Sarita, you are not alone. I want to offer you to come onto LoveDoctor.in and talk to counselor there for free. Start by talking - share more, open up. Try to rally supporters - your family and friends my not know what do do - go to the people that can. Do not be scared to share. Grief becomes lighter when we lean on others. We are always here to listen. Sending a big hug. Avani
01 Oct 2016, 12:41pm View Less
Sarita,

I am so sorry for everything you are going through. It's a LOT. You have experienced inc

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Karishma asked

actually m nt even able to create ma profile here....
21 Sep 2016, 10:10pm
Hi Karishma - If you send a message through the contact us form here: https://sheroes.in/contact A SHEROES Team member will get back to you.
22 Sep 2016, 12:33pm View Less
Hi Karishma - If you send a message through the contact us form here: https://sheroes.in/contact



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Sneha asked

Hi Avani, This is the first time in three years that I'm finally trying to face my demons and getting in touch with someone from outside, who I can share my sorrows with, without being judged. It's been two years since I got married & ironically it was a "love marriage", I have been in this relationship for three years and have a one year old son from my marriage. My husband is abusive. To an extent that I keep contemplating suicide however, on seeing my baby I falter and cannot go ahead with such a drastic step. He orders me around and dictates my life basically. If I ask him to stop doing something, he directly refuses and tells me that in this
16 Sep 2016, 06:12pm
Sneha, Thank you so much for getting in touch - I can see that you are in a lot of distress. Do you have friends and family around that can provide support to you while you undergo all this? Having support around you can be important, and can really help you to get your feelings out Sometimes we are scared to share but it always makes us feel better. There's a great resource from partners of LoveDoctor - they are called Chayn. Please check out chaynindia.com, the guides there may help you reflect on what is going on and think about next steps. In the meantime, I am always here to talk. How are you feeling? Avani
17 Sep 2016, 02:09pm View Less
Sneha,

Thank you so much for getting in touch - I can see that you are in a lot of distress. Do

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Sangeeta asked

Hi, I got remarried in 90 after a six year abusive marriage. The marriage is inter caste north to south. The person is nice kind and all but life has become quite hellish as we hardly have any intimacy or sexual life. He is a diabetic person and also had grown up kids. The daughter just got married and father is always there to spend money and all for them. In short, though he is caring kind and understanding he continues to be attached to his past due to his liabilities I did not attend the wedding as I was told his ex wife is quite a troublesome person. I am caught between my thoughts as I am not financial independent now as I left my job etc to be with him eight years back and did not have much luck finding a job in USA, Now back in India I am struggling to find my footing at the same time the relation is becoming my headache as there is not much in there for me, except caring for a person and nothing more. Whether to stay in the marriage or move out is my dilemma. Lot of good things about the person and recent losses of some of my dear family members in short reality touch stops me from doing it. I am bored and tired. The relation has nothing much to offer. I asked him to go for counselling for fix the problem for that part which has not been done. Please help.
09 Sep 2016, 03:12pm
Sangeeta - You have been through a lot it seems. I can't imagine what you are feeling now, but I am really glad you reached out. Deciding to leave or stay in a marriage is a big decision and some of that decision also seems to be made harder by the fact that you are not financially independent. Some questions that I have for you: Do you have friend and family that support you, that you can talk to and connect and share with? If not, finding ways to meet more people or make stronger connections can make you feel supported and make the issues in your marriage seem smaller - as you said there are good things there. Do you want to work? If so, have you tried the SHEROES platform to look for work? Check out the jobs tab - we even have work from home positions. We can help you via the other mentors and our career helpline #AskMonica. I think getting support, a career that you love, and feeling more independent will all help you decide what you want to do. Take care of yourself first - your emotional life, your career, your social connections and the clarity will come. I also recommend you going to counseling, even if your husband refuses to go. It will help to have someone to talk to. Remember that you are not alone and support - even just one person to talk to. I hope that this helps. Avani
12 Sep 2016, 07:25pm View Less
Sangeeta -

You have been through a lot it seems. I can't imagine what you are feeling now, but I

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Niketa asked

I lost my baby after 9 month of pregnancy. guilty feeling inside , my husband wants to take another chance, but i don't want. have desire about second baby but not ready physically and emotionally for this.
08 Sep 2016, 09:09pm
Hi Niketa - Our wonderful staff Raba Raza forwarded this question to be because she thought I could help. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I do know that it takes incredible strength to come forward and be so honest about what you are feeling. Have you shared your feelings with your husband? I think that you taking the time out to process your feelings, rest your body, connect to your friends, family, and back to the things that make you feel grounded will really help. Do you have anyone to talk to? A friend, family member? Someone that can give you support in a nonjudgemental way? I think that sharing can help, if you want to. I am always here to talk.
09 Sep 2016, 12:30pm View Less
Hi Niketa -

Our wonderful staff Raba Raza forwarded this question to be because she thought I co

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ajay asked

indirectly i told her that i want to support her in raising her children, and last year lent her some money to take care of her children studies which she returned in due course. i have even trained her in some areas of work. she is interested in learning work and wants to talk only about work in office. she does not discuss any thing else and when ever i say something to her she just nods her head and goes off and she always maintains a fair distance from me.....
07 Sep 2016, 07:18pm
Hi Ajay, it seems she's not interested in you in the same way you are interested in her if she is maintaining a distance. Hope you can soon find someone who returns your affections in the same way.
08 Sep 2016, 08:55pm View Less
Hi Ajay, it seems she's not interested in you in the same way you are interested in her if she is ma

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ajay asked

i like computer operator madam who works in my office. i indirectly told her but she has did not respond. i am married she is also married but single. should i say her directly that i like her . is it correct on my part to say like that
03 Sep 2016, 01:42pm
Ajay, It seems like you totally have a crush on this girl and usually we say to share your heart with them and not to be scared. Some tips: 1. really get to know her - not just for her looks but for her personality and life choices because your marriages could break up due to this 2. If you really love her, consider telling your wife or exploring non-monogomy where both you and her can have other partners 3. Try being direct in sharing your feelings but understand she may be subtly trying to tell you she's just not that into you. 4. Weigh the consequences - this sounds like a sticky situation. Keep loving, LoveDoctor
03 Sep 2016, 08:04pm View Less
Ajay,

It seems like you totally have a crush on this girl and usually we say to share your heart

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ajay asked

what kind of questions you answer
03 Sep 2016, 01:13pm
Hi Ajay, I answer about love, relationships, dating, and sex LoveDoctor
03 Sep 2016, 08:06pm View Less
Hi Ajay,

I answer about love, relationships, dating, and sex

LoveDoctor

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Prajitha asked

Thank you so much for understanding my problem and helping me out with your kind advice. Chaynidia.com is really very helpful. Thanks a lot once again.
30 Aug 2016, 06:35pm
Pari, you are very welcome. Take care of yourself and let me know how you are doing, ok? LoveDoctor
03 Sep 2016, 08:06pm View Less
Pari, you are very welcome.

Take care of yourself and let me know how you are doing, ok?

Lov

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Prajitha asked

Thanks a lot for your reply. No I haven't yet. My husband says we don't need counselling, everything is in your hands if you improve we can have a good married life. Before marriage he was not like this. He was crazy for me but after marriage he has changed a lot just because I accepted a bday and wedding gift from my male friend and lied to him that it was gifted by my female colleague. If I would have told him that the gift was from my male friend he would have shouted at me and the gift was couriered to me otherwise I wouldn't have accepted the gift. He told me throw away the gift when he came to know who gifted it. He says he cannot trust me bcz I have lied to him several times. I don't find talking to guys as a crime but he does. I feel guilty for lying but I did everything out of fear. I am not supposed to watch my fav actor's movie. He doesn't like it. Clicking pictures with cousin brothers hugging them is a crime. For him I am a shameless girl. I don't talk with any male friends now, changed my number so that nobody contacts me, deleted my fb account, blocked them n hangouts, gmail wherever I can. I should not talk with female friends whom he doesn't like. for eg who have had many bfs or who are outspoken or very extrovert. Still I am trying to be happy with him. I don't want to leave him alone bcz his mother passed away long back and his relationship with his dad is not that good though he is a good and obeying son he doesn't like his dad. He cannot live without me. But I want to make him realize what he is doing with me is very wrong. Its a mental torture.
30 Aug 2016, 01:08pm
Pari - you are in an abusive relationship. I know it's hard to face - but what he is doing is control and isolation. He may not stop there. He may never realize what he is doing and if you wait for that, you may get hurt or worse. It's up to you, but I recommend you read the guide at Chaynindia.com. It will help you see the patters in his behavior and also had suggestions about things you can do. Get support around you, keep talking to friends, and realize he may never change.
30 Aug 2016, 06:14pm View Less
Pari - you are in an abusive relationship.

I know it's hard to face - but what he is doing is co

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Shweta asked

Hi, I have been through bad relationships filled with abuse and trickstery and after 8 yrs of marriage being divorced.I have tough time settling in or getting back in the dating game.I feel depressed and my personal life affects my professional decisions. I keep falling back to social profiles of my ex thinking they are so well off and happy with their life. How do I stop the self pity and have confidence
27 Aug 2016, 03:04pm
Hi Shweta, Do you practice gratitude? Every day say thank you for at least three things that you have in your life. This is the best way to shift your energy and start being thankful for what you have. Your life will change with just this tip. I also think that blocking his social profiles will help immensely. In fact, a full out social media detox might be in order if you really want to get yourself to a good space. Lastly, don't rush dating if you are not ready. Post divorce - just have fun, rediscover your passions, hobbies, friends, and anything you like to do. You feeling powerful, confident and ready to meet new people is the key to getting that dating mojo back. Baby steps, and you'll be back to you. Keep loving, Avani
30 Aug 2016, 06:12pm View Less
Hi Shweta,

Do you practice gratitude? Every day say thank you for at least three things that you

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Prajitha asked

Hi, I got married in Jan to the person whom I love . He has trust issues with me. Fault is at my part because he doesn't like me being friends with guys. I had few male besties and they used to call me or chat with me before marriage which he asked me to stop. I told him I would stop but still I used to get calls and I didnt wanted to hurt my friends saying I cannot talk to them bcz my then bf didnt liked it. I used to hide from him If I got any calls or msgs and used to lie to him and he has caught me several times. I used to hide just out of fear. Now I dont have any friends I have only 3 - 4 female friends. I was a very jovial happy go lucky girl, but now I hardly smile. Things have changed. My husband still doesn't trust me. I am not cheating on him or doing anything which he doesn't like. He is a very nice and loyal person. He has changed a lot for me. But somewhere I feel trapped. I cannot do what I like. I cannot wear clothes of my choice. I am not allowed to talk with male colleagues. He checks my call logs, social media chats, official chats, and mails everyday. When we are walking on the road I should not look around I am supposed to look straight and should never look at guys. I want to start a business but I am confused what to do. If I tell him I have so and so idea he will say this won't work and If you really want to do this don't expect any help from me. And if I tell him to give some business ideas he says from where would I get ideas, I donno anything about business. If I tell him to ask his friends he would say they don't know anything. I am not supposed to travel by auto or any public transport. I am totally dependent on him if I want to go anywhere. I am very depressed and feel lonely. I am very ambitious but somewhere I am loosing myself. Please help me. I don't have anyone to share my feelings.
26 Aug 2016, 04:32pm
Pari - I am so glad you wrote to me. You are in an abusive relationship. Someone controlling who you talk to, who you are friends with, isolating you from your friends, and telling you what to wear - as well and the change in your personality is indicative that you are dealing with the effects of being with an abusive partner. I am glad you are talking to me, and I think you should be talking to others. Having a support system matters and can help you get through, no matter what you decide to do. You could completely have no friends, be isolated from everyone and your husband may still doubt you. It may never end, even if you lost all your friends and never talk to another man again. A resource to help you is a partner's website: chaynindia.com which talks about the dynamics of abuse and what you can do to help yourself. Love shouldn't hurt - and it's likely this may not improve. Have you considered getting counseling?
27 Aug 2016, 12:00pm View Less
Pari -

I am so glad you wrote to me. You are in an abusive relationship. Someone controlling who

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Poonam asked

Hi! I am Statistics graduate and have been preparing for Civil Services since then but could not make it to the final list. I want to do something where I can apply my civil services preparation knowledge along with statistics. Something like Social Entrepreneurship. Can you please guide me how should I proceed.
23 Aug 2016, 04:16pm
Hi Poonam, great question! As a social entrepreneur myself the best way to get into it is to dive in! Have you considered taking an internship or working as a volunteer with a social enterprise to get some experience and see if you really like it? There may be many in your town - even traditional NGOs that are looking as some income generation/revenue building projects. Explore what is happening in India through networks like Ashoka, Villgro, Dasra, and others, even the web platform The Better India. I'm always available to mentor you once you know what you want to do - as you can apply your statistical knowledge to any social issue.
25 Aug 2016, 12:16pm View Less
Hi Poonam, great question!

As a social entrepreneur myself the best way to get into it is to div

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anchal asked

and hum jab bhi saath bhethay e fight hote ya ignore hoti in my family i never get love from any body i feel like wat to do agar kahi jate bhi toh accha time bhi spend nae kar pate we both ek dusre se bhag rhe ab to physical bhi mann nae karta kya karu kahi yeh stress galat na kara de past mai bhi mai galt decision ley chuke my ex love me like anything or bus thoda jada possisive tha but yeh to opposite and yeh relation somwere ban he nae rha or woh financial bhi itna nae earn karte somwere i cant close to emotionally kyu family or yeh bilkul alag hai kya karna chahiy we noth common topic to talk aisa lagta bus duniya k liye chal rha h relation hum akele rehte but phir bhi we cant bond
22 Aug 2016, 08:43pm
Anchal - Can you dedicate yourself to doing two things? 1. practicing gratitude and saying thank you for at least three things that you are thankful for - this will help you shift your energy from feeling like a victim to being happy and grateful for things. Do this is a diary at least once a day. 2. Finding 5 minutes a day (at least) to do something you absolutely LOVE. No excuses. Once you start taking control of your own happiness and stop trying to find it in things outside of yourself you will be able to make better decisions about what to do in your marriage as you will be happier yourself. I also think you can talk to other women on SHEROES in the connect section here: https://sheroes.in/career-connect I bet many people have such issues and you can all help each other. I'll be there to help too, in case you need me. Let's get you experiencing more joy! Avani
25 Aug 2016, 12:44pm View Less
Anchal -

Can you dedicate yourself to doing two things?

1. practicing gratitude and saying t

Read more
Ponselvan asked

hi mam, thanks for your guidance. another thing is am a crossdresser, how can i overcome from this habit
18 Aug 2016, 08:48pm
Ponselvan - If this is something that makes you feel good - then no need to overcome it. Many people cross dress, and we may not know it because it's not talked about in the open as much, especially in India - but it's nothing to feel ashamed of. What you do to express yourself, in your own time, in your own house - is yours. Embrace and enjoy. Keep loving, LoveDoctor
19 Aug 2016, 03:07pm View Less
Ponselvan -

If this is something that makes you feel good - then no need to overcome it. Many pe

Read more
Ponselvan asked

hi mam ,how can i reduce my face hair naturally
14 Aug 2016, 09:33pm
Hello, Thank you for your question - although this is not my specialty, there are some things that I have heard may help you. Firstly, have you gotten your hormone levels checked by the doctor? Sometimes hormone imbalances and other health issues such as PCOD can cause excessive hair growth. You can also try ubtan or besan masks - apply them in the direction of hair growth and gently run them off once dry - should help to reduce the growth but will not be a quick fix. Overall, I get the sense that you may be self conscious about your hair. anything in you that you judge to be "wrong" or "unacceptable" will also seem that way to others. We are all unique and a little hair is no reason to feel self conscious. If this is impacting your self esteem in any way, let's talk over email. Happy to talk to you about how you can feel better about yourself. Sending a hug! Avani
16 Aug 2016, 12:07pm View Less
Hello,

Thank you for your question - although this is not my specialty, there are some things th

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Deepthi asked

hi mam... i had a break up few days back .. i need a help from you to overcome it. that guy cheated me
11 Aug 2016, 05:45pm
Hi Deepthi - I'm so sorry that you went through that experience and I can imagine you might be feeling a variety of things, and most of them not good. Here's some things that might help: First an most important: cut off all contact. At least for a short time so that you can get your head together and heal. After a breakup there are a few things that will be on your mind and heart. Get your feelings out - write a letter, talk to a friend, or share in another way that helps you process the feelings. Remember the good times you had with your partner - there's scientific evidence that helps you get over the breakup faster. Lastly, do all the things that make you feel good. Eat well, sleep, exercise, start dancing again or another hobby you stopped doing, reach out to friends, and just be .... the pain will subside in time and you will discover you are ok. Sending you a big hug! LoveDoctor
12 Aug 2016, 03:21pm View Less
Hi Deepthi -

I'm so sorry that you went through that experience and I can imagine you might be f

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anchal asked

hi mam thanx for the advice but i really need help day by day mai stress mai ja rae morning uthti to fresh feel nae kar rae mai khud ko nae sambhal pa rae mere looks mere health mai khud aur mere married life somwere i cant do anything kya karu is personality grooming course help me get rid of this feeling plz help me out mujhe kuch bhi samjhnae a rha
02 Aug 2016, 07:31am
Anchal, You seem to be overwhelmed. How about writing down the things you want to change? you said : Looks - Stress- Health - Relationship - and think of 102 concrete ways that you can tackle each thing. How can you improve your married life? Can you go on dates with your husband? Can you speak each other's love language? What I am saying is, until you slow down and quiet that mind and take some deep breaths, set some concrete goals for yourself - this feeling is not going to go away. I or anyone else cannot solve this for you or give you an easy solution - it's up to you to make an effort for yourself and your mental well being. You may also benefit from seeing a counselor. I highly recommend it. You can look for some in your local area, see which ones you connect to and feel comfortable with.
03 Aug 2016, 09:43am View Less
Anchal,

You seem to be overwhelmed. How about writing down the things you want to change?

yo

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Ashni asked

I am good in giving in fact Iam called agony aunt.how can I help u
01 Aug 2016, 08:13am
Ashni, Are you also a counselor? Would you like to work more closely with SHEROES?
03 Aug 2016, 09:32am View Less
Ashni,

Are you also a counselor? Would you like to work more closely with SHEROES?



Read more
anchal asked

thanku mam for u r reply as u suggest me to read this book some were from the begining i feel that my love taank is low because i m third third in my family i m getting love and respect from anybody in my life and some were i lose my confidence in belive in me somewere my past relation affect my present to i really living a average life and in life i m disturbed and want to talk to my parents they said u are acomplain box and somewere i feel insecure in my life i feel no excitement and love and most important day by i become negative i msg u because may be u help me to get to help me in this stuff i just want self worth exceptance and care for me if i be one high energy evergy thing gud but i m human being i also want some one to love me and more important i m worried my hubby told me that i feel and see my future that is dark somewere i feel i dont know how to show the love to my hubby we both are same track aur kehte and humilate me criticise me i feel bad from inside i feel like stop living my live plz guide to wat do if i m request for anyhting he told in this finance i only do if u want to spend money do it my ur self start doing job and chaha kar bhi kuch nae kar pate because somewere i lost my self confidence during from last 8 months wat to do i m educated person but somwere i m living my life in cage he want to follow my dreams somewere i lost belief in my ability and feel no self worth wat to do with this situation even giving a interview is big deal for me aaj girls kaha pahuch gae and me cant do ths because i ex told me not to doing job so my willnot ready my self for anything plz do help me hope ur suggestion bring change in my life u a great motivator how can i found my passion my hubby said i nver seen a girl like who have no dream and i m confuse because i m getting direction no proper guidence i want change my image in front of my family but i fail because of bad habbits plz guide me i become dumb if i stay like this anymore
29 Jul 2016, 10:41am
Anchal, Thanks for your message. It seems like you are really down on yourself. The first thing i want to say is - no one is coming to rescue you. That love you seek has to come from within you first. This article may help you figure out how to be more confident about your life:https://sheroes.in/articles/5-ways-to-create-your-own-fairy-tale-and-live-the-life-of-realistic-disney-princesses/MjA0Mg== I have some homework for you to see if we can hack your mood - as tackling all the issues you are facing can only happen slowly as you begin to appreciate yourself more. When you look for the love of others and don't get it, you have to ask if you are loving yourself. If you can love yourself and feel more confident, no one can touch you or make you feel bad about yourself. For the next week practice naming 3 things that you are grateful for EVERY DAY. Write this in a notebook, and be specific. When you start to be thankful for the everyday things, even the small things - you may feel better. Check my mentor note here, as I have written a lot about this and how this can change your life. Have you ever thought about sitting and visualizing what your dreams are? Sit in a quiet space and close your eyes. Ask yourself, what will I look like in 1 year if I have everything I want. How do I feel? Who am I with? What am I doing. That is the start of you dreaming something for yourself. You have to put in the work to do this for you - no one else can do it for you. If you truly want it, you can have it. Sending a hug, Avani
29 Jul 2016, 12:09pm View Less
Anchal,

Thanks for your message. It seems like you are really down on yourself. The first thing

Read more
anchal asked

thanks for ur reply mam i want more help from u mam childhood to today i m living the life mere life ruk gae aue mere bachapan se aaj tak ek strong personality jaise aajkal girls hai waise nae hu mere studies bhi pure nae hue aur apne stubborn nature aur aaj bhi mai house wife ban kar reh ru na life mai excitement hai no enjoy itna kuch dekh liya maine ki ab kya karu samajh nae aata aur mere weakness yeh mujhe bachapan se bahut pain mila aaj mai 29 years ho gae bus not clear kya karu mujhe khud ki ek repo cahiy aur kuch clear nae kya karu mass communcation kiya friend ko dekhe aaj koe direction nae bus sirf wife ban kar reh gae plz guide after 2011 personal problem ki reason se kuch nae kiya aur karna bahut but no direction mere interst enteprenurship mai hai
28 Jul 2016, 11:33am
Anchal, if you are interested in Entrepreneurship why not talk to some of our other mentors that specialize in that? Swati: https://sheroes.in/mentors/swati-bhargava/NzM0ODA5 Nidhi: https://sheroes.in/mentors/swati-bhargava/NzM0ODA5 Nidhi M: https://sheroes.in/mentors/swati-bhargava/NzM0ODA5 Are all fabulous entrepreneurs and can help answer questions. We also have a lot of articles on becoming an entrepreneur - check here for that:https://sheroes.in/mentors/swati-bhargava/NzM0ODA5 Why not explore the articles, talk to more mentors - and see what you'd like to do?
28 Jul 2016, 02:28pm View Less
Anchal,

if you are interested in Entrepreneurship why not talk to some of our other mentors that

Read more
anchal asked

hi mam my is anchal i m completing my 1,5 year in marriage see its arrange kind of i m staying alone with my hubby in fast lot of things hapiining between us and their family to i have a boy friend before marriage but now nothing bother me wat bother me is i m house wife not fully dependent on things on him i m nt doing anything after 2011 due to personal reason i m upset some time my hubby dont bother me like i m not exist in their life then i miss my ex care some were insecure about my life feel negative i like him but some time i feel how to make ur bonding strong and start care and respect me as individual wat to do 2 years complete hone ja rahe but abhi bhi dur hai ek dusre se
27 Jul 2016, 07:16am
Anchal, I can understand that sometimes the intimacy goes away in a marriage with all the things you have to look after. I'm glad you want to bond more and I have some thoughts about that. Firstly, not all people express and feel love in the same way. I think reading about the 5 love languages may help you figure out how you need and give love and how your husband does. You and your ex may have matched on these things and maybe your husband shows love in a different way - but you both can learn to speak each other's love language. learn about love languages here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ Once you know HOW someone feels loved, you can start doing that for them and he for you. Do you and your husband go out alone just the two of you? You may think about doing that once a week with him so you get some quality time to just talk. Lastly, have you been open with him about wanting to get closer and spend more time together. Frame it as a " I feel .... " Rather than blaming him or getting angry. Once you share with him your true feelings, you may feel better. Keep loving, Avani
28 Jul 2016, 09:27am View Less
Anchal,

I can understand that sometimes the intimacy goes away in a marriage with all the things

Read more
Likhith asked

Hi I wann give life to some one who is looking for love n care ... I don mind if she widow r divorcee .. Wht yu feel to suggest me em I thinki good r wrong .., text me number 9980621111 ... I dono how proceed weather it ll work out r not I dono so need yu suggestion
26 Jul 2016, 01:35pm
Likhith - There is no right or wrong in this thinking - it sounds like you want a partner and there is nothing wrong in that. You may not be able to choose who you fall in love with - so it may be a widow, divorcee, or something else. How about getting on some dating apps and sites - Truly Madly, Tinder, Shaadi.com and making a profile? Also try to be in places where you can meet new women - find out where they are socially active and make sure you are socially active and meeting new people. The only way to really find a partner is to put yourself out there. Hope this helps! Avani
26 Jul 2016, 03:51pm View Less
Likhith -

There is no right or wrong in this thinking - it sounds like you want a partner and th

Read more
sai asked

Hi dear, I Am married women I have a 9 months kid .before marriage am worked as cad engerner. When i got marriage my husband force i resign my position .in my family all r working in government sector am only person not working , then they treat as like servent ...am not good in speak in English they treat as waste fellow me .am depressed i want too suside at that time but myself am motivated and i have a kid .Please help me please give me suggestions and motivat me please
22 Jul 2016, 10:53am
Hi Sai, I am so happy that you wrote to me, it sounds like you are dealing with a really tough situation. From what I can see, your in laws are abusive and this is not a good situation for you to be in. Fortunately, there are people that can help. Firstly, do you have friends and family around - like your parents, that can support you and that you can talk to? I don't know if you have shared what you are facing with anyone - but that may be the one thing that can help you feel like you are not alone. Share this with the people you love and you may feel better. If you need to, take a break from your house if you can. What they are doing is not ok, it's abuse and there are laws to protect you. One website that may help you decide what to do is www.chaynindia.com. They have do it yourself guides that talk about the dynamics of abuse - created because so many people just like you are facing unfair conditions and cruel treatment. You are not a servant and you shouldn't be treated like one. Depending on where you live there are women's police cells where you can get free counseling. If you let me know where you live, I can try to find some resources for you. I hope that you know that we are here for you. Talk to me any time, ok? You are not alone and we can talk about your feelings until you feel comfortable taking action if you want. Sending a hug, Avani
22 Jul 2016, 12:19pm View Less
Hi Sai,

I am so happy that you wrote to me, it sounds like you are dealing with a really tough s

Read more
Mansi asked

HI MAM PLEASE TELL ME WHAT CAN I DO MY PERIODS IS LATE 6 DAYS AND I TEST RESULT IS NEGATIVE SHOULD I WAIT ?
20 Jul 2016, 06:42am
Mansi, it may be too early for the test to register. You may have to wait, or go see a doctor. Your period can be late for a variety of reasons - are you stressed? Did you change location or start a new medicine?
21 Jul 2016, 10:20am View Less
Mansi, it may be too early for the test to register. You may have to wait, or go see a doctor.

Y

Read more
Shruti asked

Hi ..I am Marketing professional with 4 of work years of experience in reputed company but now due to some changes in my life i really want to take break from my corporate life job and but being marketing professional i can not seat with empty mind at home. I am looking for some kind of marketing job from Home. Do you think it is possible. If yes please help me. I am from Mumbai... In my current job i am continuously under stress and because of that not able to conceive baby but can not quite job..So looking to work from home....Please Help
13 Jul 2016, 02:29pm
Shruti, Marketing may be one of the easiest jobs to do at home, especially if you specialize in digital marketing. If you can, then you can find those postings here: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1 You may also want to attend the SHEROES summits in August in Delhi, Mumbai, or Bangalore, that will address Work, Life, and Bank Balance. https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1
15 Jul 2016, 10:57am View Less
Shruti,

Marketing may be one of the easiest jobs to do at home, especially if you specialize in

Read more
Lakshmi asked

Hi. I have been working for nearly 11 years quit job to spend time with kids. I have satisfaction of being with kids but feel very down when thinking about not being financially independent. I am a ambitious person but want to balance work/life and also keep up my ambition
13 Jul 2016, 07:43am
Lakshmi, I can understand feeling torn and also wanting to do more while you are home with the kids. Have you thought about reentering the workforce - work from home, flexible, freelance work - or going to the corporate sector in a flexible job? You may also consider a course or doing some hobbies which keep up your skills - as it never hurts to learn something new. It sounds like you want to learn/do more but don't know where to start.
15 Jul 2016, 11:11am View Less
Lakshmi, I can understand feeling torn and also wanting to do more while you are home with the kids.

Read more
Priya asked

Hi, I am working with a renowned company but now the company is in the process of cost cutting and some of the employees have been asked to leave. Though my job is still there by the grace of god but I feel insecure now. My husband's income is also not up to the mark Moreover now I have a baby girl of 1 and a half months old. Hence to fulfil her basic amenities I have to work. Also, we have to go out of station in the month of october and november. The city where I live doesn't have much job option and good salary package. I am seriously worried about my job security.
13 Jul 2016, 06:46am
Priya, It sounds like your insecurity is causing you to feel scared. Do you think you can consider some work from home options or freelancing positions that you can do when you go out of station, or when you return? If you can, then you can find those postings here: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1 Instead of being fearful, try being proactive. You will feel better and know you are working to secure your families financial future. You may also want to attend the SHEROES summits in August in Delhi, Mumbai, or Bangalore, that will address Work. Life and Bank Balance. https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1
15 Jul 2016, 10:53am View Less
Priya,

It sounds like your insecurity is causing you to feel scared. Do you think you can consid

Read more
Garima asked

Hi , I am a mother of 1.5 years kid, presently house wife. I have worked 7 years in MNC's. Now it is becoming very frustrating sitting at home as I wan to do job and non of my family members are supporting me in job. I have no money because our financial condition is not good and I wan to to do job I live in Delhi, please provide any work from home job options
12 Jul 2016, 12:12pm
Hi Garima, Thanks for writing. If you are open to work from home jobs, we have many. Take a look here on the SHEROES site to see the best options for you: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1
12 Jul 2016, 01:23pm View Less
Hi Garima,

Thanks for writing. If you are open to work from home jobs, we have many.

Take a

Read more
Raagini asked

Hey Avani, I'm in a long distance relationship and my boyfriend's past bothers me. We don't even meet as much for me to get okay with it.. this is because I haven't had too much experience with men. Do guys think about their exes and compare?
12 Jul 2016, 11:34am
Hi Raagini, The past colors the present, but punishing someone for what they did before is not fair to them. either you have to be ok with it, or you have to move on - but it's not fair to you or your partner to dwell on it. It could be because you don't have experience - have you thought about why his past bothers you? Does it make you insecure? If the relationship is secure then his past or anything else shouldn't bother you. If it's not secure then these things can be excuses to not look at the real problems. Do some soul searching and see what the real reasons are - it may make you uncomfortable but you and your relationships will be better for it.
12 Jul 2016, 01:25pm View Less
Hi Raagini,

The past colors the present, but punishing someone for what they did before is not f

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Vijayalakshmi asked

hi im a Chartered Accountant who was in a break for 4 years due to marriage and kid. As i was again looking for a job i got one job with a good pay. Though i got this job after attending some 30+ interviews in various companies where i was rejected for reasons of break or lack of updates in my fields or lack of experience, i feel this job is not fully upto my expectation or qualification. kindly advise if i should continue this job or search something else. Note pls: this job offers good pay, no tension, can leave on time to home to be with my kid,no strict deadlines.
12 Jul 2016, 05:29am
Vijaylakshmi, if the job is not challenging to you, maybe you can think about keeping it for some time and continuing to look for something that challenges you. Yes, you may have to wait some time or interview a lot. But if you can find something that challenges you and has all of the other features - pay, flexibility - why not? In the meantime, try to find new assignments or talk to your boss about more challenging opportunities. Ask if there is room for you to grow there - your boss may appreciate you being proactive.
12 Jul 2016, 01:32pm View Less
Vijaylakshmi,

if the job is not challenging to you, maybe you can think about keeping it for som

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Clara asked

Hi. I have been working for the last 20 years with a shipping company as Asst.Manager - H.R & Admin. Thereafter I joined a finance company which lasted for four months as there was a clash of opinion as to what my boss wanted and what I wanted. I resigned on 30 June 2016. Am looking out for a job wherein am ok with part time or full time. Am interested in Admin, facilities management, event management and HR. Would be obliged if you can help me out. Thanks
12 Jul 2016, 05:27am
Hi Clara, My specialty is relationship questions but you can use the SHEROES platform to find a great flexible or work from home position. Check for those here: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1 We also have some great full time positions and corporate positions: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1 .
12 Jul 2016, 01:37pm View Less
Hi Clara,

My specialty is relationship questions but you can use the SHEROES platform to find a

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Deepthi asked

HI Dear,I Have completed my B.tech and was working as S/w Engg for 3yrs.Later due to my fate i accepted a proposal and got married 2yrs back where why husband took the oath from me that i shoudn't to work.I accepted foolishily and got married.Post Marriage my problems started i could able to adjust him and that env. and the life style of being House wives, and even problem with my husband and inlaws.KNow i am away from him as he doesnt allow me to work.& he s telling me that if i go f Job than he s ready to give divorce,but its really hell hard for me to surivive with him and his family and being me a more ambiotious gal it is even more tuffer for me to adjust.So, I am planning to take divorce,Will it be rite choice.I am mentaly depreesed bcos of marriage(HUsband & inlaws problem)Hope you understand my concern.Expecting a reply..Thanks much dear..:)
11 Jul 2016, 07:05pm
Deepthi, Thank you for writing. You have to decide if being divorced is the best for you, I can't tell you if it is the right decision. In life you are allowed to change your mind, and even though you gave him an oath - you realized that working is important and you are ambitious. Do you know why your husband objects to you working? If it is that he doesn't want you to go out of the house - would he be okay with a work from home position or a flexible position? Ultimately, being divorced doesn't carry the same stigma as it used to, and if you know that you will have a happy and fulfilled life and feel good about yourself by working, then it may be one option. Have you considered some type of marital counseling? Or even counseling for yourself so you don't feel so isolated and depressed? I think that having some support around you and being able to talk to someone will help. Ultimately once you give yourself the time and the space to really ask yourself what is best for you, the decision will be clear. Good luck. LoveDoctor
11 Jul 2016, 10:10pm View Less
Deepthi,

Thank you for writing. You have to decide if being divorced is the best for you, I can'

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vizandra asked

Hi I had some doubts on following my dreams if I say in sheroes language . I am 30 yrs of age and married 6 months ago my husband is settled in Miami.I always had a trait of art on my as a child but I didn't choose the right things when I had to (fashion in particular) I worked for almost 10 yrs with shipping cos and now I have taken a break as my paper work is on. I want to pursue my interest and not give up . I have about 2/3 months in hand is there any course n fashion that I can take up that will fit in this period and wil also carry enough weightage once I move abroad . I am quite good in designing and pattern making and also love creating royal ethnic designs please help me
11 Jul 2016, 06:18pm
Vizandra, Why not take some courses online or just pursue your passion in your spare time? Check out platforms like Udemy and other online course platforms. I don't think you have to give up on your dreams, just find a way to pursue them while your paperwork is on. Online courses will allow you to complete them whether in India or the US. Then once settled there, you can find something more professional or long term. Miami should be a great place for fashion - with such an international influence. Good luck!
11 Jul 2016, 10:23pm View Less
Vizandra,

Why not take some courses online or just pursue your passion in your spare time? Check

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Suwini asked

I have taken a maternity break and my baby is now 9 months old. I have 5+ yrs work experience prior to my pregnancy. My worry is about how and when will I be able to go back to joining my work, since I am not much convinced of putting my baby in a playschool as they might be able to take care of her as I need it to be. Also i know I will be constantly thinking of my baby at work, not doing justice to my job. Taking a long break from profession will create problems in my career too. I am depressed at times thinking about this dilemma, don't want to be unfair to my kid, and my career at the same time. Please suggest.
11 Jul 2016, 02:30pm
Suwini, Thank you for posting. If you do not feel comfortable putting your baby in a preschool, have you considered a work from home option or a flexible option that would let you spend time with your baby and still pursue a career? Check SHEROES work from home listings here: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1 This may offer you the balance to get back into the workforce and still be very hands on with your little sweetie. LoveDoctor
11 Jul 2016, 10:14pm View Less
Suwini,

Thank you for posting. If you do not feel comfortable putting your baby in a preschool,

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swati asked

Hi Dear, I have been married since 12 years. I have a son of 10 years old from love marriage. N my husband want divorce and he filed a case in court 3 years back. I love him and want to be his wife forever. My son wants to be with both, He is mentally very depressed. I have talked to him many times at least for his sake he should think as a father, Please guide me as i am staying with my parents since then. They want me to divorce him and to get married again. Not possible for me to forget him. At least we can stay as parents acc,to him. Plz guide me as i am very upset and don't want to life without him. Please tell me how to bring him back. Please help me as i want to reunite because i love him and because of our son too.
11 Jul 2016, 01:00pm
Swati, Have you considered couples counseling? That may help you work through your issues. I know this may not be what you want to hear, but if people are ready to walk out of your life - let them. They weren't meant to be in in it anyway. There can be a lot of fear associated with divorce, and what usually brings spouses back is when they and you take some time apart, work on their own healing - and both work on the issues that led to the split. What is the reason for the divorce?
11 Jul 2016, 10:38pm View Less
Swati,

Have you considered couples counseling? That may help you work through your issues.

I

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Rekha asked

how to do weight loss program
11 Jul 2016, 12:05pm
Rekha, Thanks for your question. There's wonderful information about weight loss available all over the internet. Basically you need to eat whole foods, less processed. Cut down the sugar, and move (exercise). You can consult your doctor for their suggestions about what may work best for your health.
11 Jul 2016, 10:20pm View Less
Rekha,

Thanks for your question. There's wonderful information about weight loss available all o

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Amy asked

hi I worked as a team manager insurance in a BPO. however unable to join work due to my baby who is just 10 months old. looking for some work from home so that my earning is not impacted. As we need to hv a financial balance to give proper care n life to baby. suggest or help
11 Jul 2016, 11:49am
Amy, Thank you for your question. Check SHEROES work from home listings here: https://sheroes.in/jobs/search/skill/location/employment-type/work-from-home/career-level/company/page:1 This may offer you the balance to secure your financial future and still be very hands on with your little one. LoveDoctor
11 Jul 2016, 10:16pm View Less
Amy,

Thank you for your question. Check SHEROES work from home listings here: https://sheroes.i

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Arshi asked

Can a woman change a man with love and patience? By understanding him? I am married and my husband doesn't believe in communication. He is never violent physically but he doesn't talk to me for days..as if I don't exist. His parents dictate our relationship and he doesn't have any problem with it. I don't have kids now but he want kids. Should I let go of him? Or see if there is change in his behaviour after having kids? I am really very confused.
11 Jul 2016, 11:43am
Arshi, Changing someone else is very hard. Changing yourself is easier. Even though you claim he is not physically violent, shutting you out and not talkign to you for days is a form of emotional abuse, and is not a very healthy relationship. Typically abusive behavior of any kind increases once children are in the picture. He may change, but statistically its unlikely. Have you told him how his turning away from you makes you feel? When you turn away from me .. I feel ________? Saying it in this way may help ... but don't hold your breath. Some marriage counseling may help if you are open to it as he may not realize how harmful his behavior is.
11 Jul 2016, 10:45pm View Less
Arshi,

Changing someone else is very hard. Changing yourself is easier. Even though you claim he

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koyel asked

i am 34 presently working as academic content writer with a London based company and a student counselor with Gurgoan based company. I had economics hons in graduation and MBA in HR and Marketing dual specialization. However since last 5 years i am working from home traveled with my husband in different countries did odd jobs like freelancing in school administration at London council, participating in market research at Walmart, USA and mystery shopping etc. My question is, now if i want to join a full time job will my past experience which is diverse and flexible in nature add any value or should i present to the interviewer with the kind of work i did ?
11 Jul 2016, 11:23am
Koyel, This is a great question for SHEROES mentor Monica Manjithia, as I specialize in relationships. https://sheroes.in/mentors/monica-majithia/MzM5MDM%3D My take on it is if you can present your previous experience as a set of skills you have that will add to a full time position i.e. management, administration, communication then it will go far when you apply to full time jobs.
11 Jul 2016, 10:48pm View Less
Koyel,

This is a great question for SHEROES mentor Monica Manjithia, as I specialize in relation

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Payal asked

I am a married woman but I fell in love with the man of my dream I m stuck in a very terrific situation where I cannot choose among my lifepartner and my soulmate pls help should I step back and remain in my marriage or should I live my life where I found the man I trully depply love.
11 Jul 2016, 11:22am
Payal, Take time till you are clear. Do you need to make a decision right now? Odds are you haven't seen the flaws in your soulmate - and no one is perfect. If you leave your marriage your new relationship may also have issues, only time will tell. So take some time, weight out the pros and cons - realize your new relationship is not guaranteed and try to make the best decision for you. Often times I tell people to close their eyes and think of your life in 10 years. You are living your best life - happy, content. Imagine this in vivid detail. What, and who do you see around you?
11 Jul 2016, 10:54pm View Less
Payal,

Take time till you are clear. Do you need to make a decision right now?

Odds are you

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mani asked

mam, it's been one year of my relationship. my boyfriend told me one day that he has been 12 times in relationship. i always ask him that if he has not been loyal to that 12 girls. how can i believe that he will loyal with me too. when i ask him then i get silent. and says he did not love any of the girl. but he loves me truly and i am the last girl in his life. when he speaks that i feel that he have true feelings for me. but somewhere deep inside i feel doubt. you suggest me please!!
11 Jul 2016, 11:18am
Mani, No relationship is guaranteed. Try to not put some many expectations on yourself and him and just enjoy yourself. He may make promises but no one can predict the future, let alone who they will be with forever. You can try to work on your relationship and make sure you have supportive friends, family and loved ones - and things you love to do so that you are happy in your own right without making him responsible for your happiness. Read the information here, on healthy relationships. it will help. http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/
11 Jul 2016, 10:59pm View Less
Mani,

No relationship is guaranteed. Try to not put some many expectations on yourself and him a

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Pratiksha asked

Hi Dear, I had been through bad break this year and got involve with person from office. Well I went through bad patch again. I came out strong, but issue is seeing him daily. This has affected my work as well as my personal life. I wish to change office because I am not enjoying my work. To make matters worse my parent are hunting for groom. What should I do? This office person I have forgiven him but unable to forgive him. It feels that person use me during my most vulnerable time in my life.
08 Jul 2016, 10:18am
Pratiksha, If you feel like changing offices will help you get over the situation, then do it. You have to take care of yourself - and that includes doing what you need to do to make yourself feel better and heal. Forgiveness happens when you are ready - you can't force it. Seeing him daily can affect that - especially if the sadness at the end of the relationship is there. Relationships end all the time - and this one was not the right one for you as you found out. Give yourself time, do all the things you love, and talk to people. Breakups mean rediscovering yourself. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel connected to that woman that feels strong and determined, and you'll feel better.
09 Jul 2016, 01:06am View Less
Pratiksha,

If you feel like changing offices will help you get over the situation, then do it. Y

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REENA asked

Academically I had completed my M.Phill from Public Administration department, continuing my PHD, and also MBA from sikkim manipal university. I am a full time employee since ten years i am being into corporate sector as Administrative Assistant and worked sn. management level in NGOs and INGOs too. So looking forward to home based work if it is other them banks and can opt a job in bank and education as part time. can you please help me out
07 Jul 2016, 08:04am
Hi Reena, Thanks for your question. I answer questions about relationships, love, and sexual health for SHEROES. I believe your best bet is to ask Mentor Monica here: https://sheroes.in/mentors/monica-majithia/MzM5MDM%3D However, I do know that you can easily search for work from home jobs here: https://sheroes.in/mentors/monica-majithia/MzM5MDM%3D https://sheroes.in/mentors/monica-majithia/MzM5MDM%3D https://sheroes.in/mentors/monica-majithia/MzM5MDM%3D Use the job search to check out what opportunities are available that best fit you, and you should be on your way!
07 Jul 2016, 03:32pm View Less
Hi Reena,

Thanks for your question. I answer questions about relationships, love, and sexual hea

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suchismita asked

I simply can't reason with myself, rather focus on what kind of a person i want to settle down with! have gone thru a break up, several decepticons, and ended up being a lonely melancholic ? now am 31, so the prospect of finding Mr. Right is even more glum? What shall i do ?
05 Jul 2016, 04:07pm
Suchismita - i can totally understand how you feel - especially after several relationships that don't work out. Before choosing what you want in a partner you have to know yourself. Breakups are a part of the relationship process and not every relationship will last - so letting go is key to getting over them. If you are faced with deception a few times it means that you may be choosing people based on what they say vs what they DO. Actions speak louder than words and any desperation to be with someone may cloud your judgement in seeing red flags in people. (there are always small signs that someone isn't who they say they are). Go over your past relationships. Find the patterns, both bad and good. Take time to reflect on those people in your life and let them go with gratitude, and they served as lessons. Spend time with yourself learning what makes you happiest. And DO those things - don't wait around for someone to make you happy. When you can do the things that make you happy you will feel better and be more attractive. you may be feeling glum now, but that too will pass once you see your patterns and can learn from them and also have the power to make yourself happy. There are good men out there and there are many out there for you! Once you know yourself, the way you find happiness - it will be easier to find someone that is compatible with you as you will know how you want to feel. Sometimes we may not know what TYPE of person we want in our life but we know how we want to feel ... if you can move toward that feeling you want and don't compromise - the other things about a person become a little less important. Give yourself the space and time to heal from your past - learn the lessons it has brought to you, and with your new joy, go out and find the men that make you feel your best, and treat you like the queen you are.
06 Jul 2016, 03:25pm View Less
Suchismita -

i can totally understand how you feel - especially after several relationships that

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gouthami asked

HI, iam in relationship for almost 2and half years and i married the man i loved who is a north indian ya and im from south and now its been 3 years we married.He is a short tempered guy but he loves me a ot he took care of me and everything went well untill when he helped my parents, when they were in bad phase.He said ur parents are now mine too. After that everymonth we used to fight that he helped my parents he always focus on that he helped my parents and what u did for my parents. From then whatever be the reason for fighting he always says i helped you parents so u dont have right to say me nor my family.His mom she always says negative about me to him infront of me only. He listens and comes to me says why u did that. thats it ?? not asking me whether i really said something to his mom or asking me nhtng why u did ?? no trust nothing.He said her that he helped my parents, so she made that some breaking news to everyone. I didnt asked him ok he helped but why that became such a big point and it became sole point that he helped my parents. I said to him why u are making that such a big issue u helped thats good but why all this its done now leave that point and we will move on no he always carry that whatever is the problem or he dont have money in end of the month he says because of you and ur parents i dont have money now all this is happening in my life because of you i shouldn't have married you!!! now this is how he feels about me i dont know what happened he always blame me for everything other wise he says u married now so you have to concentrate only on ur inlaws. I do agree with that but that doesnot meant that i should not take care of my parents ?? what happened to him i don't understand he didn't told a word when his mom and his aunt and his family members started shouting and ponting at me and humiliated for 1 hour infront of him. Iam really fed up now i dont understand what they want. My husband dont know what he want to prove after all this also he says because you are not nice with my family they said to u. I dont understand where is my relationship going why he is doing like this. he directly saying to me that im the bad choice of him. iam getting depressed by listening to all this. what to do i have a 1year old kid.i tried many times to clear the misunderstandings but in vain
29 Jun 2016, 03:18am
Gouthami, I am sorry you have to deal with this. The reality of the situation is that this entire family situation sounds like it is emotionally abusive, and unfortunately love marriages are not excluded from these types of dynamics. I wonder who you talk to and who you have for support. Friends? Family? Use them, talk to them, and make sure you don't keep all of this inside. The one mistake when we feel people are treating us unfairly or blaming us is to keep trying to change their minds. With people that are emotionally abusive that doesn't work - as they blame as a source of emotional manipulation - which is why you need support around you of friends and family. I also recommend you think about seeing a therapist or a counselor. While your husband may not be willing to go, you can for your own sanity and well being. We all need someone to talk to. There's a great website and a partner of mine called Chayn India (chayindia.com) where you can find more information about the cycle of abuse and how you can remedy it. Keep talking, keep sharing. Sometimes love hurts but it doesn't have to. I'm here to listen when you want to talk.
29 Jun 2016, 01:52pm View Less
Gouthami,

I am sorry you have to deal with this. The reality of the situation is that this entir

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Pooja asked

Hi,I am in a relationship where i do not feel respected,cared for and wanted.I am from North India and the guy is from Mumbai.I met him in my previous organization in Mumbai.Its been almost 4 years since we are together.Now i ll start narrating from the very start as to how it started and wat made us come together.Before this guy, i was in a relationship which was abusive and violent.The guy went violent so many times and for every reason.He was a short termpered person no doubt ,but wat drove him into turning into a monster was the fact he never respected girls and he found a gal who would take his wrath for her love.Stupid i was ,emotionally blind ,lacking in confidence ,and not able to see life beyond that.I used to take his violence keeping mum but after few years my limits reached and i actually started to despise him.I gathered my energies and put it into my work but still cudnt break up with him.That strength was never there.I used to pray God that somehow i get out of this relationship but always lacked confidence.Then one of my colleagues ,my current boyfriend approached me ,in fact he had a crush on me .He used to make attempt to talk to me.One day i told him dat i am committed and simply not interested.He said okay.Then one day i was very much broken and i called him up and told him everything about my relationship.He asked me never to take abuses and i should get out of this relationship.He said few things which touched my heart and i got a confidence that there are good people on earth.Slowly i started liking him .We started meeting and talking on phone.One day my Ex caught me red handed.I told him he proposed to me but i said no.But my bf called him and used swear words.I immediately called my Current bf dat he should say i proposed pooja and Pooja is not involved.He handled the situation but next day in office he made me feel guilty dat because of me he had to hear so much.It was hurtful coz i thot he loved me and it is such a small thing .Then my current told me clearly dat i shud first leave my ex and then come to me.It was right.I told him to give me sometime and i will come to you .He said okay.Then one day my ex hit me badly very badly and asked me to get out.That day i got out with my bad and never went back.Cried a lot next day but my current bf was there to support me.I committed myself fully to him.Met him .Got close to him.Had been craving a for a hug and kiss for years .But with abusive attitude of my ex,no gal wud want to get close.Now this guy started behaving indifferent .I used to ask to meet ,he will meet.I will call ,he will respond.But that spark was never there.The passion was not at all there.He started cribbing and complaining that his space is being shared and dat i love my frenz the most.I used to meet them every weekend but now i cannot.Indirecty ,he started giving me a feeling in so many ways that he is not happy.But i thot may be nature difference or may b things will take time.But no it was something deeper.He never seemed like he is deeply in love .He used to tell me his lifestyles are different .But i would not buy .Okay tastes can differ but atleast there should be a connect.No it was not there.It got manifested in so many ways.I dint break up.He indirectly told me dat tomorrow things dont work out ,we will break up.But i was so hurt.Because i went thru such turmoil for six years and it took me so much courage to get out and now gain am in the same situation.This guy was not happy with me because he was always trying to fit me into his so called lifestyles which i got used also.But along with a life full of showoff ,i was also looking for a deeper connect which he was probably not looking for.He was always fascinated by momentary pleasures like boozing ,partying etc.I remember i asked him once to go to Marine Drive and he told me he wont go without frenz because his frenz are his life and he ca
25 May 2016, 11:32am
Pooja, Whew! I am so glad you are our of the abusive situation. It took a lot of courage on your part to try and get out of the situation. Now, you are in a relationship you rushed into to try and get away from abuse. From your previous bad relationship, I am sure that this situation seemed wonderful and like everything you ever wanted. Especially as you as you were and are hungry for love and affection. The honest truth is - you need time to heal. You have not dealt with your previous situation and in order to be in a really healthy relationship you need to fully deal with your pain. Being with someone cannot save you my dear - you have to do the work on yourself, deal with the hurt, and learn the lessons from your relationship(s). That takes being alone. My recommendation is you consider getting counseling or at least talk to someone. You are going from one bad situation to another and you expect these relationships to save you. You are responsible for your own wellbeing and happiness - and you are making your partners responsible for the quality of your life. I am not sure if you can even see that you basically jumped relationships without giving yourself time to deal with the first one (which was BAD!!) .... give yourself the space and time to heal and you have a chance at real love. Once you are ready - you can use a platform like Truly Madly to really find someone that matches you. To know more about the dynamics of abuse and the lasting effects check out my partner organization's guide chaynindia.com/teen-abuse. Get your friends and family around you, look to them for support, consider getting counseling, and fill your life with the things that make you feel strong, confident and powerful - like hobbies or your work. You've got everything in you to have a happy, loving life - you just need to clear that bad energy from the past first. I'm here to talk whenever you need, Avani
25 May 2016, 12:21pm View Less
Pooja, Whew! I am so glad you are our of the abusive situation. It took a lot of courage on your par

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padma asked

after a long happy career spanning over 13 years had to take a break because of 2 kids. have just not been able to get a satisfactory job that gives me flexibility ever since. can you help?
25 May 2016, 10:09am
Hi Padma, The SHEROES platform can certainly help with the flexible opportunities. Have you spoken to the mentors here who are on the more professional front? That may help you find the right fit. Also, SHEROES team is great at support - you can chat or call them and they can also guide you. My core focus is dating and relationships, so I don't have so much more to add here - but as a counselor I'd like to reiterate - keep your spirits and your energy up and make sure you are networking in the real world as well as online to maximize the reach of your search. Hope this helps! Avani
25 May 2016, 11:22am View Less
Hi Padma,

The SHEROES platform can certainly help with the flexible opportunities. Have you spo

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Mithali asked

I am searching for job I am not getting it since 1 year and going through very bad phase want to come out of it.
25 May 2016, 09:05am
Mithali, Job searches can be maddening. I know the wonderful people at SHEROES can help you figure out if you are looking in the best manner - please talk to Monica and the team here on the helpline to make sure you're on the right track. I also want to add a bit of Avani wisdom from my past job searches. After a certain level in our careers the online bit only works so well. What is even more effective is using the network effect to get the job of your dreams. Go out and TALK TO PEOPLE - lets your friends and family know your greatest skills and tell them you are open for a new opportunity. Identify companies you'd want to work for and talk to them directly - market yourself. Meet people and ask them if they know anyone who can help ..... work your connections and your personality. When you do that, you get the whole world working for you! So step away from the computer and make sure you are out there in the world. That is how most of the last opportunities came to me - believe it or not - people were approaching me! It is also important to keep your spirits up. Just because you don't have a job right now does not make you a bad person or unworthy. Sometimes it takes time to get that good fit. Make sure you are taking time to see friends, talk to family, do the things which make you feel the most confident, poised and awesome, so that your energy stays positive. Exercise is great for that too! Good luck with your search and let us know how we can help! Avani
25 May 2016, 09:37am View Less
Mithali,

Job searches can be maddening. I know the wonderful people at SHEROES can help you fig

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Charu asked

Thanx again. Yes you maybe right, constant stress is what I am going through. Its been ages I took out sometime for myself and relaxed, and don't even think can do that in near future. I always regret having a baby when I was not prepared for it and was forced by my husband to keep the baby. Though my son mean the world to me, but a single mother with a negative environment cant do much. Yes I want to move out of this house, thats what I have been trying hard to do since past 6 months. I am in touch with few of my friends, never had much friends , and the ones I had were not in touch because of my marriage, my husband always had problems with my friends, as he always use to doubt on me. I did logged in to the website you provided, but it is not much of a help. I also wrote to monica yesterday, her reply is awaited . I have been on my toes for everything possible I could do to become independent, but because of my baby I always fail to execute my plans. I am waiting eagerly to take up a home job so that I can make my life easier and most importantly I want to be happy. I am glad I have a platform where I can share my thoughts and get some way out. thanx to you and thanx to Sheroes !!!
22 May 2016, 08:15am
This is the time to focus on yourself and get back in touch with the girl you once knew. Rekindle those friendships and find new ones - and try to do everything - all the things that make you feel confident. :) You will soon feel better, lighter and the energy will start shifting. And once you shift that heavy energy, you will be more attractive to employers and more opportunities will come. Give yourself a lot of credit - you have gotten yourself out of a bad situation through sheer will and strength- a lot of women can't do that. Feel proud. If you can face that, you can face anything, na? Be kind to yourself!
22 May 2016, 01:15pm View Less
This is the time to focus on yourself and get back in touch with the girl you once knew. Rekindle t

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Charu asked

Thanx Avani, for your reply and consideration means a lot to me. Well I do have experienced somewhat domestic violence in my marriage, however I was more mentally tortured every now and then by my husband and his family. I waited for things to fall in place because it was a love marriage and I loved my husband also was worried for my child's future, but everything was futile. I wanted maintenance for me and my son, so that I can shift back to delhi or mumbai and sustain myself, but my husband only gives me some portion of his earnings for my son. I have nothing left for myself, therefore after I met the lawyer he suggested me to file a domestic violence case after I discussed everything which happened in my marriage, which includes maintenance as well. Its yet to file though. As far as my parents are concerned, I do stay with them but they don't support me on anything, rather they directly or indirectly want me to leave the house as I act as a burden for them, my elder brother who is also staying here unmarried is equally party to it. He has tried hitting me twice and asked me to leave the house. Thats why it is always difficult for a woman to chose where she should go, specially in my case. I am well educated and want to give my son a beautiful life, however lack courage to start again, as financially also I am not so strong. I was always a woman of courage and was never scared of taking risks. But time has changed drastically.I would request you to guide me through so that I can take up charge of my life and make a move with confidence. Thanx again :)
21 May 2016, 02:26pm
Charu, Any person who deals with trauma - and in your case that of your husband, in laws and your own family - has a lot of stress and may even suffer from what is called post traumatic stress disorder. Is your first priority getting out of the house? Then it's really important for you to be independent and get to Mumbai or Delhi like you said - so focus on finding a job. Like I said, talk to Monica at Sheroes on their helpline - they are great people and can guide you how best to use this particular platform to your best ability. There are other mentors here like I mentioned - take their guidance on your career. Your financial stability = your safety. And we want you to be safe. Lastly, friends, support, talking, writing, dealing with your feelings is how you will heal and move on to a brighter tomorrow. Please check ChaynIndia.com for more information and read through their guides as there may be some more options for you there. Hang in there! I am here to talk when you need a friend. :)
21 May 2016, 06:47pm View Less
Charu,

Any person who deals with trauma - and in your case that of your husband, in laws and you

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Charu asked

Hi, I am 32, struggling with my life at present. i had a great career before marriage, I was flying as a air hostess for good 8 years and also worked with corporate sectors. Got married 4 years back which was a so called love marriage , but things did not work out well within both of us. Since past 6 months I am at my parental home and things are not at all pleasant for me, I have a 20 month old baby to take care of without any support. My husband doesn't bother much, and all the means to patch have failed miserably. Now I have filed a domestic violence case on him after waiting for long, as he refuses to divorce mutually. I am in a deep shit, cant work as my son is too young my parents are also not that supportive. I have been trying to look for work from home jobs , but no luck yet. I want to move to a metro city and start my life again, but have no financial or emotional support. I don't know what to do , when I think of my future, my son , my expenses, I get scared how will i take care of everything. I don't even have a house of my own how will i survive. I am going under deep depression and feel sucidal every single day. Please suggest a way out.
21 May 2016, 08:40am
Charu, Were you experiencing domestic violence with your husband? If so, it may make sense (and may sense on so many other levels as you are going through a tough time) to get some counseling so you have a place to share your feelings and feel supported. There are organizations that work with survivors of domestic violence and some cities have Women's Commissions and the like that can help as well. A great do it yourself information resource is http://chaynindia.com/, where you can find out what legal remedies and otherwise are available for you. I am sorry for everything that you are going through! It may seem overwhelming and to help that, gather your friends around you for support. Do you have people you can talk to? Even old colleagues and friends from before your marriage (I know sometimes we lose touch with people, and now may be a good time to get back in touch). You need support and people around you that you can share with and that can lift you up. Go to those people, lean on them. Your husband and your parents may not be much help, but you can build a community of support around you so you don't feel alone. Whenever we go through tough patches in life, people can help us if you let them. Now as for the job situation the good thing is you are in the right place. Please please keep looking - I know you will. Get the help of other career mentors on Sheroes who can make sure your CV looks, good, you are being competitive and presenting your skills right, and can find a good for yourself so you can thrive professionally and also take care of your little one. There are lots of people here to help like me that CARE ABOUT YOU! We want to see you succeed. Believe in yourself, all this will pass and you will have your dream job. If you want one on one help about your career I suggest you talk to the amazing Monica here at Sheroes and the other fantastic staff that are dedicated to getting you on the right path. You can reach them through the chat or the helpline number. Charu, you are not alone - we are all behind you. You can overcome this. Remember, you used to fly high in the sky in a metal tube - you flew once, and you will fly again. Sending you a big hug. Keep Loving, Avani
21 May 2016, 12:23pm View Less
Charu,

Were you experiencing domestic violence with your husband? If so, it may make sense (and

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Sonali asked

Hi, I am at threshold of touching 30. Still unmarried and struggling thru a typical arrange marriage setup process. I called off my engagement last year because of dowry reasons(guy's family demanded lot of money that too in cash). There is so much of clutter in my mind i don't know what to do :(
20 May 2016, 04:42am
Sonali, You are incredibly brave for calling off your engagement. Kudos for you for not going with a situation that may have proved harmful for you and your family. When your mind feels cluttered, get out your feelings in whatever way makes you feel best. This could be talking it over with a friend, writing out your feelings in a journal, speaking them into a audio message, singing a song about them, dancing, or something. Just.get.your.thoughts.and.feelings.out. The most helpful thing is a process called a stream of consciousness writing where without any question in mind, you just write. Put a pen to paper and write anything - an keep writing anything that comes to mind. Eventually all your thoughts will come out and you can stop when you no longer have anything to write. You should end up with several pages or more. Take a break, then read over what you wrote a day later. You will clearly see in this what is going on in your head. From this you can make a list of priorities an even make goals. What I really sense from your question is feeling self conscious about your age, and your broken engagement. Just trust that everything happens at the right time - go into any new meeting of a guy with good faith and trust your gut. You are a prize - a brave woman who would not stand for foolishness, who has 30 years of life experience behind her, and her whole life ahead of her. It will all be ok, I promise.
20 May 2016, 12:31pm View Less
Sonali,

You are incredibly brave for calling off your engagement. Kudos for you for not going wi

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Laxmi asked

What is more important for a happy life : -Love ? or Understanding each other ?
19 May 2016, 07:29am
Hi Laxmi and thanks for your question! Happiness comes from moments of joy that are strung together. If moment by moment we are moving toward what makes us feel more joyful, light, and at our best. Then we are "happy." Now my question to you is - don't you think that love stems from understanding one another? If you understand someone, and can accept themselves as they are - flaws and all - isn't that the ultimate form of love? The same applies to your understanding of yourself, and the relationship as a whole. The sooner you understand and accept WHO YOU ARE, and what the relationship is (not what you WANT it to be, what someone TOLD you it should be like, or what you are SCARED of it becoming) you will be happier and hence be able to love better. Understanding yourself and your partner leads to CONNECTION ...connection leads to ACCEPTANCE. And acceptance, of reality, of your partner as they are, of yourself as you are - is the ultimate act of love. Keep loving, Avani
19 May 2016, 09:40am View Less
Hi Laxmi and thanks for your question!

Happiness comes from moments of joy that are strung toget

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santosh asked

Why do women require so much more communication in relationships than men? What can men do to satisfy their need for communication?
19 May 2016, 07:23am
Santosh, Women need communication to explore their feelings, figure out what they want and desire, and come to a certain conclusion. We (as I am also a woman :)) also see communication as a primary way to connect and feel intimate with our partners. Most women process things orally - as in we NEED a conversation - with you, with a friend or family member, or a expert to figure out how they feel about something. It is the primary way they use to navigate the day. Now, your partner may want to communicate with you and that can mean several things. Here are my top tips for communicating more effectively and making your partner feel heard (the most important thing. 1. Listen up - No, I don't mean listening and looking for problems to solve which is what most men do. REALLY listen to her. Observe her as she speaks, feel her energy, hear with your ears, and use all your senses. Realize that she's using talkign to you as a way to work things through and may not need a solution from you. Just listen. If you just do this, it will create a big change in how she feels your support. 2. Ask thoughtful questions - show that you have been paying attention. look her in the eye. Nod. Make "um hum" noises "accha" and the like. 3. Tell her when it's not a good time - if it's not a good time to talk - TELL HER! But don't just put her needs on the backburner. Be honest and say "honey, I'm busy and I want to give you my full attention can we talk at x:xx?" And honor that commitment. Listen to her like I explained in point one. 4. Super bonus LoveDoctor wisdom - Don't be afraid to ask her what she seeks by talkign to you. Does she want you to listen as a friend? As a partner? As a problem-solver? i.e - does she want to just talk or does she need a solution. This will help you figure out how to orient yourself. Also, even if a woman is talking about "nothing" - that "nothing" makes her feel safer with you to express what she REALLY thinks. So "nothing" is always something. Keep Loving, Avani
19 May 2016, 10:09am View Less
Santosh,

Women need communication to explore their feelings, figure out what they want and desir

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Pallavy asked

Can someone fall in love more than once?
19 May 2016, 07:20am
Yes yes yes. Don't believe Shah Rukh Khan when she said "pyaar ek baar hota hain." Life is here for us to love, Pallavy. You can and you WILL fall in love many times if you don't block yourself with a limiting beleifs that love only happens once (or some people think - not at all :( ) How do I know this? Well, I talk to 100s of people a day through Lovedoctor and some of them are scared they will never love again and *BAM* sure enough, months later they have that sparkle in their eye again. Also, I have been in love four times in my life. And I am old, but not that old. ;) YOU WILL LOVE MANY TIMES IN YOUR LIFE. Trust that you are a lovable person, and know that the world does not lack people who will love you back. Keep loving! Avani
19 May 2016, 10:09am View Less
Yes yes yes.

Don't believe Shah Rukh Khan when she said "pyaar ek baar hota hain."

Life is h

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Supriya asked

Hi, I find managing expectations at home a little difficult and living in a joint family, there are a couple of people I need to manage. Being a working woman, I do not even find time to manage myself. My husband's expectations are that I should spend some time over the weekends, whereas I prefer to give the most of it to my 3-year old. I don't see a mid-way because I want my husband also to spend the most of his time with our daughter. I see challenges explaining it to him and the family. Please suggest!
19 May 2016, 07:17am
Supriya, You seem to be suffering from the Superwoman syndrome. Many of us do - and that is ok! Let's talk about some strategies to help with managing the expectations you and your family have. Firstly - BE HONEST with them and set clear expectations from the beginning. You don't need to over-explain yourself. You just need to be clear and communicate when you feel overwhelmed. One thing I see happening here is that your husband is your emotional partner and an anchor in the family. Failing to give him time can make him resentful of the time you spend with your little one, as well as cause stress and strain. - the emotional life of a marriage is important and you both will feel renewed and recharged when you are connected. Something as simple as a 2 minute hug a day can increase the levels of "happy chemicals" - Oxytocin, in the both of you, and make you feel more connected. Instead of long swaths of time that you may not have, try to show him in small ways of connection that you care. A hug here, a kiss there, a squeeze of his hand. It's hard to think of these things when you are tired - but they WORK - especially in a joint family where other time demands are there! I also feel you may be able to spend quality time together as a family. Can you, your husband and your daughter go on dates together as a family to feel more closely connected? That way she and he get your time. One other thing I think is happening here - you are not giving to you. When you give time to yourself to recharge, you can more fully connect with those around you. Take 5 minutes a day just for you (more if you have it) breathe, dance, write, exercise, do something JUST FOR YOU. You have to. It's the only way you can fuel yourself to run all the things you have to run in your life. When you are recharged you can better manage and handle everything else in your life. Remember, you've got to fill your own tank before you can fill others' - if you don't you will break down very fast. My feeling is that this 5 minutes of joy will help change your energy, and help with the other stuff. :) Keep loving! Avani
19 May 2016, 10:23am View Less
Supriya,

You seem to be suffering from the Superwoman syndrome. Many of us do - and that is ok!

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Unanswered Questions


Shaima asked

Hi there ! I want to ask for some advice on my relationship. I have been in a long distance relationship since one and a half year, and it is through social media. I have known the boy since seven years. He is not that unknown. He's my cousin's classmate, through this I was knowing him. We are planning to meet each ther this year. He's of american descent. But language and religion has never been a problem this long. He wants to marry me, But when he had earned much for us. But since a month he's ignoring me, I wanted to share my achievements with him, but he's not there to listen. I know he has having work pressure much on him. But he's not available nor he doesn't want to listen to me. What should I do?
13 Sep 2017, 03:18pm
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