What I Was Looking For, I Found In A Trunk

Published on 12 Jan 2018 . 5 min read

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It was a dark rainy evening when I was sitting on a couch in my beloved room, with my favourite novel in hand and watching the raindrops falling on the terrace floor, heavily. I was back from Pune to my hometown of Nashik for a long weekend. I started thinking, looking at the rain, if the long weekend was the real reason I was at Nashik or was there something else?

My mother called me for tea and when I went to the kitchen, I found a plate of onion pakoras on the table, which instantly delighted me. I had a great conversation with my parents over the tea, it felt as if it had been ages that we had even talked. The time passed so quickly that we didn’t realize it was dinner time already. Because I had come home after a long time, my mother had cooked my favourite dishes and made me feel very special.

My father gifted me with a special diary which had antique features. He told me that he wanted to gift it to me on the day of my graduation but he didn’t get a chance to do so, and later, I got busy with my job. He had kept it intact since the day I graduated! This gesture humbled me to a great extent, as my father never believed in gifting and has rarely given me presents.

We had dinner and were watching TV, just like we used to do in my childhood but with a sudden thunder, the lights went off. There was nothing more to do, we thought, and so we all headed to sleep.

What a calm and pleasant day it had been. I pulled over the blanket and felt at ease in my old bed. I closed my eyes to fall asleep, but I couldn't.

Something was pricking me from the inside. I had this constant feeling of unrest within me, I was melancholic every now and then. Why was it happening to me? Thoughts raced through my mind like the speed of light and everything that had caused me immense pain in the past came alive. I sat up on the bed abruptly, all frustrated.

I had to do something that deviated the disturbing thoughts. I found a candle and lit it. Little did I know then, that I was on my way to enlighten myself. As I turned around, I saw my old cupboard. How long had it been closed and what all I might find in it now, I pondered.

Curiously, I opened it and to my utter amazement, I found a medium-sized trunk that had a big red ribbon tied around it. It reminded me of the day I left my hometown for further studies. I had kept my old handwritten diaries that I had been writing since my 4th grade!

I was way too excited to open it and read - what did I write about so many years ago? As I opened the trunk, I found 23 diaries of various colours and sizes.

I had decorated each one of them with all my creative instinct. For a while, I felt very cute about myself! I decided to read my first diary and gradually the others, in a chronological manner. It was 4 am at night and I was still reading. I came across my last diary, which I wrote in my final year of engineering, which read,

“.....I have failed in many instances I know. I trusted the wrong people and they took me for granted, but not anymore. I will ace my class. My marks and accomplishments will be a hard slap on the faces of the people who have let me down. I will get a job in the world’s leading MNC and fetch the best salary that none of my classmates can imagine. I have had it enough! I am going to show everyone what I am capable of.”

Which is what I am exactly doing right now - I looked up from the diary and realised! I did top my class, I did get into the best MNC - not one but two. I was fetching the best salary in the industry. My parents are proud of me. I have actually attained my goal!

I had already succeeded, then why am I so restless all the time? Is the habit of proving myself, making me so irritable?

That night was a turning point in my life. I could finally comprehend that in order to make peace within, we should stop, take a break and rethink. Not on how things were foul and ugly but on how it can benefit us. We can't afford to let the less important people, who criticize us, take away our happiness, can we? We can only work towards our betterment, not to show others, but to gain self-satisfaction.

I slept sound, content and woke up with a smile, just like I did in my childhood. To my surprise, it was a pleasing sunny day and the storm outside as well as inside me had stopped.


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Sainy Banerjee Pal
An engineer by profession but an ardent writer by heart, Sainy has been writing from the age of 12. She has a huge collection of her handwritten diaries. Her friends call her a therapist for broken hearts and can connect instantly with anyone. She lives with her doting husband who is also her critic for her write ups. Imaginative, spirited and filled with compassion, she always has a lot to say, to those who care to listen.

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