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Richa asked

Hi Dr, Anvi. I don't know if it is good thing to ask or not, but this is really bugging me like anyt
Hi Dr, Anvi. I don't know if it is good thing to ask or not, but this is really bugging me like anything. Ours was a love marriage, and we decided to get married after 4+ years of knowing each other and being in love. He is a very good man, very gentle and very loving and caring. But even after 5 years of our marriage, he is not intimate at all. He doesn't want any sex, often watches porn and helps himself (you know what I mean), and this keeps me very very upset. I feel hungry for intimacy!! But he never even talks about it. Once we had this huge fight, and he bluntly told me he doesn't feel anytthing (probably because I kept on gaining weight). Where everyone in my friends and colleagues describe me as a super smart although fat and happy go lucky girl, I don;t feel the same coming from him. He was very loving in our GF/BF days, and we kissed often, but no physical contacts were made with mutual decision. But then now also he is no different than a regular friend to me. He loves me like anything, he takes care of me too, but then it boils me to the core seeing him just as a friend and not a husband. We do not talk about sex, its just me who asks if he would like to do it, and he always has his excuses ready. Now since few past months, he had started going out with few girls too, little often. I was not very comfortable initially, I started checking his FB and watsapp messages. When he realised this, he started putting restrictions and deleting messages. When I asked why secretive, he said because I over-react. I do not know what to do. Neither do I understand if he will ever make me satisfied. What should I do?? :(
28 Mar 2017, 04:44pm
Richa, it sounds like there is not a lot of trust left in your relationship. You think something is going on behind your back and you have violated your partners trust by snooping on his phone and in his personal accounts. Have you tried to have a direct conversation instead of fighting about the lack of intimacy and just honestly letting him know that you miss your close times together? The honest truth is just because you have a love marriage doesn't mean that love comes automatically you still have to work at it. One thing you mentioned is your weight are you happy with it? If so, then live your life and try to find things that make you happy your husband may come around if he doesn't feel you will argue with him. If you aren't happy with it, then change it. The truth is you can't force someone to be intimate but you can ask for what you need. A good framework for this is using "I" statements "when we are not intimate, I feel rejected" (or whatever you feel). Never blaming, just share what you feel. See if you can start a dialogue that is gentle and explores what is happening in your relationship. Happy to help with any other questions you may have. Avani
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Richa, it sounds like there is not a lot of trust left in your
relationship. You think something is

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