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Shreeradha Mishra
18 Nov 2017 . 4 min read

Let's Put These (Sex) Myths To Bed


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You know what makes sex even more amazing?

It is when you play by the rules and ensure that both you and your partner are being fair in bed. Being fair in bed - is that even a thing? Yes it is, and here is how and why it makes complete sense.

Talk to him – Be fair to yourself. Don’t shy away from letting your partner know what you enjoy, or would like to try out. One way of going about it would be to ask your partner what he likes, and then proceeding to share what you like or would want to try out.

Leaving the channels of communication open is important, knowing that it's alright to talk about such things without the fear of being judged or snubbed.  

And about what you don’t – We all have our quirks. In terms of things we like, as well as dislike. It is equally important to speak out loud about both of them! If you don’t like something, tell your partner, regardless of how it may make him feel.

It doesn’t have to get awkward, you can just casually initiate the conversation.Of course your partner ought to be sensitive enough to understand and respect this. Needless to say, the same applies to you.

Division of labour applies here too – You’re just being lazy, and unfair if your partner does all the work while you lie back and enjoy. Once in awhile it may be alright, but it ruins the fun if it’s just one of you doing all the work every time.

Similarly, if you’re the one who’s always on top, and he tells you lame things like “I like it when you’re in control”, all the time - it’s time for a talk.

Receiving should come with reciprocating - More often than not, expectations are mutual in bed. This problem has mainly got to do with oral sex. If you expect to receive oral sex but are not keen on reciprocating, well then that’s just selfish.

While you can most definitely say no to oral sex if you aren’t comfortable with it, expecting it but not reciprocating is unfair.

Never use sex as a means – Waiting for the right moment to tell something crucial or to ask for something? Well, while in middle of an orgasm isn’t exactly the best time to say it. On the other hand, withholding or using sex as a way to get something done is quite mean, not to mention unfair.

Speaking of which, that is exactly how women got their men to end the Greek war, in the Greek epic Lysistrata – by withholding sex!

Pressure to perform– Sometimes it’s great, other times it’s not so great. But having too many expectations or putting pressure on your significant other takes all the fun out of it. Not too mention the love and warmth!

Remember that it’s not always about an orgasm, but it’s always about feeling comfortable and also knowing that your partner is equally comfortable.

Consent is ALWAYS important –  “Why don’t you just try it once, I am sure you’ll like it”, “This would make me really happy you know”, “are you sure you don’t want to?”. Has your partner ever used any of these statements for a sexual favour from you?

If yes, then he has very blatantly violated the concept of consent. Make sure that your partner understands that a ‘no’ means ‘no’. Very obviously, this applies to you as well. Consent, needless to say, has to be mutual. 

Don’t shy away from talking about sex - you are meant to enjoy it. Talk to your partner and make you sex life - fair and fine. Do you have any rules for the bedroom? Whisper to us. Or may be don’t. Shout it out right here!  

 

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Shreeradha Mishra
Shreeradha is a passionate child rights professional and a freelance writer. Most of the other times, she is traveling, photographing, baking or eating

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