Feminism - Kal, Aaj Aur Kal

One definition defines Feminism as ‘the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of equality - of the sexes’. Or as my daughter defined it to me during one of my rants: ‘Dad, Feminism is about equality and not male bashing. It’s different.’

What is different? And no, we are not talking Maggi Ketchup here.

I am the last person to say that women are treated equal. They're not, and as a man I don't even know when they will.

As I have learnt over the years to my detriment, there are different ways of equality - somewhere women’s rights are justified, somewhere there is just noise, but most recently it is used as a weapon to condone putting down the male population in its entirety.

Yes, there are exceptions on both sides, but the majority accept and move on IRL.

A decade or more ago, there were feminists, and rightly so, but many still had warped logic; with the advent of learning, it seems to me that this has just multiplied.

All of a sudden, it seems as if every young lady is mixing a different kind of cocktail, with a shot of equality, a different blend of feminism and then is somehow diluting the strength with a healthy helping of ‘all men are chauvinists’.

And that is confusing the hell out of us old timers.

How can it be feminism if you like SRK, Salman or any celebrity who cavorts with 19-year-old teeny boppers but unacceptable if a humble human being, who is not bhai or related to any bhai does that?

Why is an elder woman termed a cougar and shamed by both men and women, but the same behaviour acceptable from a man?

How is it that at convenience, men are allowed to pay when partying and then suddenly feminism raises its head?

Why is a man thrashed if he walks ahead and doesn't hold the door for a lady? Oh! Those are manners?

You see where I’m going with this?

It is completely mystifying how manners, etiquette, equality and feminism are used interchangeably or as per convenience. And rightly enough if there is something similar said then you're called a Misogynist.

Taking a step forward, women who work as professionals, have achieved equality as role models for many, have faced all of this; and whilst they do talk about equality, they also understand what is relevant and when to fight and how to fight.

To me it means the following:

In my personal life, coming from mainly women-dominated family, I think I was more in tune, though I used to boil over pretty much. Work, marriage and daughter did change my perspective and now I think there is a time for everything - equality, feminism and not.

For my daughter, she was allowed to study what she wanted, did classes that I could never think of, never forced to learn her way around the kitchen and many other things that are a given – ‘for a girl’. As parents, we were happy with a daughter (And no that does not mean there were/are no fights) we had and never looked for a son. She has been exposed to many things - drinking, watching beautiful transvestites perform etc as an underage girl with her parents. BUT, there are no exceptions about safety, where rules are definitely more stringent compared to a boy. Even as a young lady with a career, a text if she is late, and informing us as to whom she is with are things that I insist on, and she humours my dad brain by complying (most of the time).

In my professional life, I have worked mostly with women bosses or co bosses, 50% or higher peer group and subordinates, I have always been equal as far as work is concerned, never making allowances. However, that does not mean one forgets manners or basic etiquette. How does that work? Holding a door open, waiting those 10 min extra to begin a meeting, ensuring they are dropped off home earlier etc. Should this fall under Feminism or equality? I don’t know and frankly my dear, I do not care.

I had read this some years ago and I am in complete agreement: “Feminism is about the freedom to make choices and not to give a damn about what anybody thinks of them”

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