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SHEROES
22 Jan 2018 . 8 min read

Diary Of An Ex-Bride: Is Marriage A Sham?


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The society we live in has a duality in itself. It isn’t pessimism rather the truth which is reflected in each and every facet we walk through. The much constipated and hyped of all the emotions is love.

I am basically taking the route towards defining the clowning reality of the marriages. The concept which has lowered the stake of women; her identity; her persona; and everything in between. More than blaming men, the section of women are themselves responsible for taking care of the demeaning age-old traditions which is definitely not serving any good for anyone.

To have an evolved child, a parent needs to be evolved, an upbringing needs to be evolved. If you demean someone else’s daughter, do not forget you have daughters, sisters, and mothers too. But, more than the upliftment, a woman is solely responsible for the downfall of another one. Blame it on jealousy, her own suppressions which she has gone through, her suffocation which she extends, and the blind faith in the name of howling traditions.

Marriage is beautiful but ask the people who have failed in the process. A man/woman, both the ends face a downfall which can never be recovered. To make my stand clearer, allow me to express the same in the crux of a story.

Not a Home breaker – An Ex Bride’s plea

“Ex-Bride” – The two words hit real hard? Isn’t it? Rather than mocking it; have you ever asked the one who has gone through this agony? The amount of helplessness defining the stake? Have you ever thought of the lady who went through such a brutality? Allow me to share a heart-wrenching perspective regarding the so-called evolution in 2017

How inconsistent and weird the term turns for people related, but have you ever thought what the girls must have felt who went through such helplessness?

The society near me has given me enough reasons to take up the topic people fear to speak about. I have written a book portraying the same.

The title, which is in the publishing process, will be called as; “Not A Home Breaker – An Ex-Bride’s Plea.” I cried uncontrollably while writing it for the first time. No matter how much we evolve in the professional context, marriage stays to be one of the most important parts of a girl’s life. Nevertheless, while seeking the names of the protagonist (My closest friend/a mirror image) and the counterpart, I extended the tags to Priyanshi and Shashank.

Priyanshi’s upbringing came out to be quite strong. And, that is basically a setback for some families, including Shashank’s. She never cared about other’s opinion to the point of shattering herself because she was never taught the same. Yet, she started to care for the love she had for the man she wanted to marry - Shashank. She even molded herself in a way even after receiving every bit of hatred with most of the members and friends. She proved herself at every point because she was asked to.

The insult kicked off the day, Shashank’s cousins and friends asked for her degrees while planning to smash her pride; she yet presented the proof. Furthermore, the family asked for the photostats of the same on the day they came to see her. Priyanshi saw a tear falling down her father’s eye.

Her father once mentioned – “Shashank is not in love with you.”

Who knew he was so right back then! The fight kicked off from the conflicts regarding the marriage venue. A genuine plea from the bride’s side wasn’t taken care of and the continuity to ask for court marriage sabotaged Priyanshi’s family.

The only child was called a home breaker because she came from a nuclear family; nuisance creator because she had her views; a bad influence because she was choosing to work with the family she was about to take care; a characterless girl just because of being an outspoken lady. Honesty pays the cost, Priyanshi’s honesty paid hers.

When Shashank’s cousin sister dropped in the confusions saying Priyanshi’s passports are ceased (which I hardly know how; she isn’t a criminal); It was the time when she was done with all the allegations. They say groom’s family should be the highest priority. Cliché! Well, she cannot be blamed wholly, as the guy Priyanshi selected demeaned her in a thousand ways already while not believing her at any point.

I still wonder why he made those faulty promises if he never had the guts. Have you heard a man coming from a premier institution comparing her fiancé with each woman of her house? Yet, he ran away the time it was all needed?

“My mother said she knows how dark her future will be in terms of my marriage. She didn’t name you but I guess she isn’t happy. I do not want anything else just do as she says and follow her route. Become the same kind of daughter-in-law my mother is! Also, can you handle the house like my sister? Have you ever handled one? Can you cut the vegetables; cook like she does? Will you ever be able to prepare things? Will you be able to wake up early?”

This is just the starters; Her name was changed thrice without even asking her. It was just another information extended. The astrologers mentioned something about being “Manglik” which she wasn’t. Further, mentioning how she would spoil the groom’s life and can take a divorce too. Applauds!

They also blabbered about how she won’t be able to produce any children because the astrologer mentioned so. I wonder if someone tested Priyanshi’s fallopian tube to come to such a conclusion. And, the list never ends!

Was the guy not capable to take a stand rather killing her every time while getting influenced? Priyanshi lost everything and precisely her smile. I have seen her sitting for hours on the balcony, fighting with her demons, and thinking what wrongs she must have done to have got this fate. She cannot forget how Shashank swiftly moved out. 

In the world full of players, try to be smarter because it isn’t needed rather required. Do not become a player, but let not anyone play with you too. Let that smile be brighter.


I wish to voice out something alarming here. I have seen her fighting with herself each day. The day she called herself an ex-bride was the hardest but it also gave her that immense strength which was needed to be developed.

I still remember the day Priyanshi’s father called off the wedding because it was certainly needed. Because he saw the pain each day. Because she told him the first time how Shashank called her a thief once, how he lied at stages, how he left her brutally after a fight in order to search for better, and how he kept on slaughtering everything at regular intervals. But as said, you choose to love someone with all the flaws, so she did, even when everyone stopped her.

We tend to fall for the person who might be affectionate to us but cannot love the way we do. It is important to fall for someone who has the same intensity.
 

Dear Elders,

When you call someone’s daughter yours, kindly understand her stake. Rather than expecting everything from her how about giving her a reason to speak her own wishes too. Marriages are a game-changer for girls because they are asked to practice things which are unwanted. Don’t call her dominating, rather change it with outspoken. They want to put in their opinions too.

How about raising the sons in a way that they never play with a respect for their own fun?

If she has not called anyone on a particular occasion like Diwali that doesn’t describe and portray her ego rather helplessness. Understand because she must not have called up anyone on her side as well. Did you try and ask her if she was okay?

Priyanshi gets threatening emails and messages from fake ids. She gets fake calls. And, her number is being distributed shamelessly. She refuses to change her connection because she wants to see how much of strength she carries to date. Some girls choose to accept their fate while hiding the reality, Priyanshi’s father taught her to stand for her own self.

I cannot reveal Priyanshi’s identity but I wish she gets the peace which she deserves. It is my way to extend that story as a tribute which has become her years to come. It is easy to say give yourself in love, but for once can someone else try to act the same in the name of this sacred emotion? 

Priyanshi once announced “It’s either Shashank or no one!” Today after losing herself in the process that girl has lost all the trust – “It is neither Shashank nor anyone!”

 

Book cover of 'Not A Home-Breaker'

I would love to have your reviews about my upcoming book. Those aren’t just words rather someone’s bothered past which is shading the future for forever. 


*Penned by Swati Chandak, author of her yet-to-be-released, maiden book, 'Not a home breaker' identifies herself as a learner searching for humanity amidst masses.

 


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SHEROES
SHEROES - lives and stories of women we are and we want to be. Connecting the dots. Moving the needle. Also world's largest community of women, based out of India. Meet us at www.sheroes.in @SHEROESIndia facebook.com/SHEROESIndia

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Responses

  • V*****
    Thats what mine too somewhere linked with it. Really difficult to state right now what that actually meant to me. Still looking myself at the place of Priyanshi
  • K*****
    So true dear.... It makes me feel like my own on going life really...
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