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Nirupama Kondayya
7 Dec 2017 . 8 min read

A Single Mother Shares What Makes Her Proud


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I was that typical girl, heavily influenced by Bollywood romantic movies, who just wanted to have an extraordinary love story, get married and have kids. I was not a career-oriented woman, but as they say - destiny always has other plans for you.

I had a love story that was straight out of a Bollywood movie but my marriage was a roller-coaster ride and it didn’t last very long.

I had my first crush when I was 3 years old, on my classmate who was insanely cute and to my surprise, it was mutual! It took us almost 20 years to realise that we really loved each other. We had a beautiful relationship thereafter. As they say, ‘everything that can go wrong, will go wrong’. So the most expected hurdle was that his family didn’t accept our relationship and on top of that, our kundalis (horoscope) didn’t match. With the constant struggle of choosing between his family and love, he suffered through a psychological problem.

We got married amidst his psychological condition, which was not taken very well by his family. Unlike what I dreamt of, we had a simple temple marriage and soon I got pregnant. My in-laws were a nightmare and they did everything they could to turn our happily married life into a disaster. From predicting the death of my husband on the second day of our marriage, to anticipating the death of my child dying inside my womb as soon as I completed my first trimester of the pregnancy - they did it all. Somehow, my husband and I still survived these issues and we had a great time with each other.

It was the time when he had to drop me at my mother’s house for delivery and go back to his family to try and mend things with them. But that was the worst decision ever. They took advantage of his psychological condition, turned the tables against us, made him believe that I wasn’t faithful and that the child I was carrying wasn’t his child.

I was constantly under the stress of my husband’s worsening condition and the fear of losing my child to all the pressure. Thankfully, I delivered a girl child in good health and she was beautiful. When I saw her for the first time, I realised how ‘life’ looks. But when my husband came

 

to see her, he said “Ladka hota to shayad mummy maan jati, ab to chance kam hai.” (If it was a boy, my mother would’ve accepted the child, but because it’s a girl, the chances are less.) I hated him so much at that time. It took him 2-3 days to be nice to our daughter and behave normally. When he went back to his family, we used to be in touch through calls every day. But I felt something was changing.

I took my daughter back to my husband when she was only 2 months old.He had become indifferent, rude and aggressive towards us, especially our daughter, and this was the one thing where I couldn’t compromise. I had compromised with his family throughout while they were constantly calling me a whore, abusing me and my parents, hurling awful predictions at me, him not being psychologically stable. But when it came to my baby, I couldn’t compromise at all.

Within a week, I realized that I cannot manage him and the baby, with me being physically and emotionally weak. His family had no interest in me and the baby, they hadn’t even seen her.

I took her back with just 7 thousand rupees in my account, to my parent’s house and thankfully they were very supportive. I knew I had very less time to sympathize with myself and my life and I needed to start working as soon as possible. I was in advertising and I couldn’t continue that job with being the sole caretaker of the baby. That’s where my real struggle started. 

I just had this tiny little child in my arms which was bubbling with a world full of love and motivating me in her own little ways. I started looking out for professions where I could work from home for a few years. Money is important but not being able to see your child grow up, could be one of the greatest regrets.

I took some money from my parents and completed an online Digital Marketing course. Soon, I took up a couple of freelance projects and a work from home job. The money wasn’t too much, but it was more than sufficient to give us a good lifestyle without asking for any financial help.

As a woman, I had a clear choice of trying to mend an impossible relationship with the person I loved insanely or give our child a life that she deserved. For the first time, I made a practical and the most important decision that changed my life for good. I realized that we women need to stop pushing ourselves over the limit in trying to adjust and rather push ourselves towards being independent, not just financially but emotionally as well.

Sitting and crying or regretting is never a solution. Miracles don’t happen to everyone but motivation is all around us and it can be anything. We just need to find it. For me, it was my daughter Teesta.

Vernika Verma SHEROES community member

Just don’t let yourself feel worthless because you have a world inside you and you can be anything you want. Trust me, if I can do it being an over pampered unambitious child, anyone can do it. I have always asked for help, whenever needed, from anyone and everyone. If they help, good and if they don’t, even better. Don’t feel shy asking for help, it will help you grow and it’s better than begging.

Now, I work for an Australian firm and am into Digital marketing. There is a huge scope for it across the globe, a lot to learn and work for with good pay scales. There are institutes that provide online training for it but look for the ones who provide placements. You can also start your own business online or write blogs. It is an ocean full of opportunities waiting for you to grab them and change your life. As for my husband, he’s driving-in the Ranji Trophy match field, making newspaper headlines and not doing much professionally. I feel sad for him but cannot do anything about it.

I don’t regret anything because that would mean I am disrespecting the existence of my daughter in my life. I am a proud single mother. My aim is to give her a good life, on my own. Relationships are important and it’s good to have someone for you, but it is not a parameter of having respect in the society. If you need to step out of your relationship, do it. You are complete in yourself.

Teesta has my husband’s smile and resembles him in some ways. Our daughter is “US” and no matter what, we will always be together with her!

SHEROES community member- Vernika Verma

Vernika Verma has shared this moving story with us and we are proud to have her as a community member.

Let us know in the comments below what you think of this article. You can also share the names of women you would like to nominate for the Meet The SHEROES series. We will get back in touch with you for the details. Mail us at [email protected] or [email protected]

*This piece is a part of our initiative, Meet The SHEROES, which brings forth stories of women who are taking charge of their lives and making a difference in their own way. A circle of support for women across the globe to inspire and empower them.

 


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Nirupama Kondayya
Nirupama feels that life is all about #TakingCharge, one step at a time, everyday. She truly believes that women have the potential to achieve their dreams, once they put their heart into it. She also believes that being grateful for little things has big impacts in life.

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Responses

  • P*****
    My number 9987214309
  • P*****
    Hi Vernika...even I am a signal mother & wanted to do some sort of Business, as I have being working since 10-12 years in corporates, I don't have anything in my hand as I did not got any support. But I motivate myself, n now would like to do some business but not in womens accessories or something. Online digital marketing having any age bar?? If no, please share few names n there fees.
  • A*****
    She is a roll model for a woman even I get motivated
  • J*****
    So so good, keep it up, that is very very motivational, we need to take step for growth of ourself no one can do it for us....
  • V*****
    Hello ladies, thank you for such amazing words.. And as for all who want to know more about digital marketing courses, I have started with my level 2 of it online and there are institutes available online for it like Digital Vidya. They can tell you a lot about how you can carry work from home options and make the best out of your talent!! I hope it help :) All the best!!
  • R*****
    Vernika, your story is inspirational. What speaks louder however; is how candid your narrative is, including your willingness to share this with your true identity and personal pictures. While the struggle you went through enduring a difficult marriage may have stolen your innocence and forced you to shed your naivety, witnessing Teesta grow will help you gain back much more than you lost. We as parents learn significant lessons from our starry eyed children.
  • R*****
    Vernika, your story is inspirational. What speaks louder however; is how candid your narrative is, including your willingness to share this with your true identity and personal pictures. While the struggle you went through enduring a difficult marriage may have stolen your innocence and forced you to shed your naivety, witnessing Teesta grow will help you gain back much more than you lost. We as parents learn significant lessons from our starry eyed children.
  • R*****
    Vernika, your story is inspirational. What speaks louder however; is how candid your narrative is, including your willingness to share this with your true identity and personal pictures. While the struggle you went through enduring a difficult marriage may have stolen your innocence and forced you to shed your naivety, witnessing Teesta grow will help you gain back much more than you lost. We as parents learn significant lessons from our starry eyed children.
  • R*****
    Vernika, your story is inspirational. What speaks louder however; is how candid your narrative is, including your willingness to share this with your true identity and personal pictures. While the struggle you went through enduring a difficult marriage may have stolen your innocence and forced you to shed your naivety, witnessing Teesta grow will help you gain back much more than you lost. We as parents learn significant lessons from our starry eyed children.
  • R*****
    Vernika, your story is inspirational. What speaks louder however; is how candid your narrative is, including your willingness to share this with your true identity and personal pictures. While the struggle you went through enduring a difficult marriage may have stolen your innocence and forced you to shed your naivety, witnessing Teesta grow will help you gain back much more than you lost. We as parents learn significant lessons from our starry eyed children.
  • R*****
    Vernika, your story is inspirational. What speaks louder however; is how candid your narrative is, including your willingness to share this with your true identity and personal pictures. While the struggle you went through enduring a difficult marriage may have stolen your innocence and forced you to shed your naivety, witnessing Teesta grow will help you gain back much more than you lost. We as parents learn significant lessons from our starry eyed children.
  • R*****
    More power to you mama. You are inspiring.
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  • J*****
    Looking at such a lovely cute adorable Princes I am feeling so good.Happy to know your story and yes a mom can never let her kids go away.I went through the same and can co related well when you said there was no time and you started working.I myself moved out from an abusive relationship having 6 months son.Dher Saariiii Blessings For You Two.
  • S*****
    So proud of women like you. Wish you all the very best.. and loads of love and respect for u and ur lil one. Cud u tell me how u completed the digital marketing course? Which online course and from where? I am a former journalist wd 10 yrs work experience bt since past 3 years my life has been centred around our 3 yr old son. I want to build an additional skill to further get into professional world with a bang. Please help and guide. I am based out of Jaipur.
  • V*****
    Thank you for sharing my story. :) #sheroes
  • A*****
    Awesome you Mam..Hats off to you.Thank You for sharing your story!
  • R*****
    U r truly brave & an inspiration to many.. God bless u girl.. More power to u!!!
  • L*****
    Awesome ..grate decision...God bless u baby
  • N*****
    Amazing will power Vernika.May God bless u always !!
  • A*****
    My God u r super powerful !!! So proud to realize we all have this power inside, we just have to make a choice and take the risk❤
  • S*****
    Inspiring... you were made to do hard things, so believe in yourself.
  • S*****
    Single mother always struggled a lot bt motivation and faith in yourself will achieve everything, as this beautiful lady struggled,my mom also struggled a lot as my father passed away when I was of 13 years old and now we have good days after much struggle, nothing is parmanent Time Will manage everything, go ahead Nirupama and give everything to your baby ♥️
  • S*****
    Very good and really motivating. That's the true sense. When to leave and where to live. We ourselves are complete. We don't need anyone to complete ourselves. If we understand this we can achieve it.
  • M*****
    I am in the mid of your story. I am now a single mother of a 5 year old boy. Struggling thru my intial phase.
  • S*****
    Leaving your love us big decision but mother always wins on any other relations. Most important and spark in you is, you fight back and take quick and early decision to move away. Waiting for someday when people will change and eveything will be nice is dremy. And with this kid get impacted emotionaly. And hence ny salute to you for taking decision to move away and being independent. You are winner🤛
  • N*****
    I am interested in online course but don't know where to do
  • K*****
    I dnno I feel many cases post delivery alot changes happens in relationship cud b postv cud b negative. U r truely Shereos
  • R*****
    You are a wonderful woman😃 keep it up.You are an inspiration.
  • S*****
    Can you please share the details from where did u do the online digital marketing course. I am also interested in doing online course as I have a 2 year old kid but is not able to decide upon.
  • S*****
    Truly inspiring...
  • M*****
    Truly inspiring..
  • P*****
    Wow ....u r truely a hero.
  • N*****
    Such an inspiration..I haven't heard before urs... wonderful 👏👏
  • S*****
    Wao inspiring
  • Anonymous
    Really inspiring
  • R*****
    Too good Nd inspiring...
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