A Single Mother Shares What Makes Her Proud

I was that typical girl, heavily influenced by Bollywood romantic movies, who just wanted to have an extraordinary love story, get married and have kids. I was not a career-oriented woman, but as they say - destiny always has other plans for you.

I had a love story that was straight out of a Bollywood movie but my marriage was a roller-coaster ride and it didn’t last very long.

I had my first crush when I was 3 years old, on my classmate who was insanely cute and to my surprise, it was mutual! It took us almost 20 years to realise that we really loved each other. We had a beautiful relationship thereafter. As they say, ‘everything that can go wrong, will go wrong’. So the most expected hurdle was that his family didn’t accept our relationship and on top of that, our kundalis (horoscope) didn’t match. With the constant struggle of choosing between his family and love, he suffered through a psychological problem.

We got married amidst his psychological condition, which was not taken very well by his family. Unlike what I dreamt of, we had a simple temple marriage and soon I got pregnant. My in-laws were a nightmare and they did everything they could to turn our happily married life into a disaster. From predicting the death of my husband on the second day of our marriage, to anticipating the death of my child dying inside my womb as soon as I completed my first trimester of the pregnancy - they did it all. Somehow, my husband and I still survived these issues and we had a great time with each other.

It was the time when he had to drop me at my mother’s house for delivery and go back to his family to try and mend things with them. But that was the worst decision ever. They took advantage of his psychological condition, turned the tables against us, made him believe that I wasn’t faithful and that the child I was carrying wasn’t his child.

I was constantly under the stress of my husband’s worsening condition and the fear of losing my child to all the pressure. Thankfully, I delivered a girl child in good health and she was beautiful. When I saw her for the first time, I realised how ‘life’ looks. But when my husband came

to see her, he said “Ladka hota to shayad mummy maan jati, ab to chance kam hai.” (If it was a boy, my mother would’ve accepted the child, but because it’s a girl, the chances are less.) I hated him so much at that time. It took him 2-3 days to be nice to our daughter and behave normally. When he went back to his family, we used to be in touch through calls every day. But I felt something was changing.

I took my daughter back to my husband when she was only 2 months old.He had become indifferent, rude and aggressive towards us, especially our daughter, and this was the one thing where I couldn’t compromise. I had compromised with his family throughout while they were constantly calling me a whore, abusing me and my parents, hurling awful predictions at me, him not being psychologically stable. But when it came to my baby, I couldn’t compromise at all.

Within a week, I realized that I cannot manage him and the baby, with me being physically and emotionally weak. His family had no interest in me and the baby, they hadn’t even seen her.

I took her back with just 7 thousand rupees in my account, to my parent’s house and thankfully they were very supportive. I knew I had very less time to sympathize with myself and my life and I needed to start working as soon as possible. I was in advertising and I couldn’t continue that job with being the sole caretaker of the baby. That’s where my real struggle started. 

I just had this tiny little child in my arms which was bubbling with a world full of love and motivating me in her own little ways. I started looking out for professions where I could work from home for a few years. Money is important but not being able to see your child grow up, could be one of the greatest regrets.

I took some money from my parents and completed an online Digital Marketing course. Soon, I took up a couple of freelance projects and a work from home job. The money wasn’t too much, but it was more than sufficient to give us a good lifestyle without asking for any financial help.

As a woman, I had a clear choice of trying to mend an impossible relationship with the person I loved insanely or give our child a life that she deserved. For the first time, I made a practical and the most important decision that changed my life for good. I realized that we women need to stop pushing ourselves over the limit in trying to adjust and rather push ourselves towards being independent, not just financially but emotionally as well.

Sitting and crying or regretting is never a solution. Miracles don’t happen to everyone but motivation is all around us and it can be anything. We just need to find it. For me, it was my daughter Teesta.

Just don’t let yourself feel worthless because you have a world inside you and you can be anything you want. Trust me, if I can do it being an over pampered unambitious child, anyone can do it. I have always asked for help, whenever needed, from anyone and everyone. If they help, good and if they don’t, even better. Don’t feel shy asking for help, it will help you grow and it’s better than begging.

Now, I work for an Australian firm and am into Digital marketing. There is a huge scope for it across the globe, a lot to learn and work for with good pay scales. There are institutes that provide online training for it but look for the ones who provide placements. You can also start your own business online or write blogs. It is an ocean full of opportunities waiting for you to grab them and change your life. As for my husband, he’s driving-in the Ranji Trophy match field, making newspaper headlines and not doing much professionally. I feel sad for him but cannot do anything about it.

I don’t regret anything because that would mean I am disrespecting the existence of my daughter in my life. I am a proud single mother. My aim is to give her a good life, on my own. Relationships are important and it’s good to have someone for you, but it is not a parameter of having respect in the society. If you need to step out of your relationship, do it. You are complete in yourself.

Teesta has my husband’s smile and resembles him in some ways. Our daughter is “US” and no matter what, we will always be together with her!

Vernika Verma has shared this moving story with us and we are proud to have her as a community member.

Let us know in the comments below what you think of this article. You can also share the names of women you would like to nominate for the Meet The SHEROES series. We will get back in touch with you for the details. Mail us at lola@sheroes.in or nirupama@sheroes.in.

*This piece is a part of our initiative, Meet The SHEROES, which brings forth stories of women who are taking charge of their lives and making a difference in their own way. A circle of support for women across the globe to inspire and empower them.